Am I headed for disaster?
My bf and I have been together for almost 6 years. It has generally been a wonderful relationship but we’ve had our challenges and brief breakups. Among the challenges is his financial situation. As of now, he is in a much better financial condition than the other years because I helped him budget and his friend gave him a job. He’s more careful about what he spends to make sure that he does not overspend on his credit card. However the reality is that between work and Social Security he just about breaks even on bills including his rent. He has been pressuring me to live with him and move in my home and I am very concerned that the precarious financial situation he could be in could haunt me. He has very little saved for retirement or rainy day fund so this could become part of my problem. However he is very loving and caring for me and my children and has many other qualities.
My daughter lives out of town and she does not care for him at all because she really feels he is so wrong for me given his misrepresentations about his finances in the past but more so because he is in a weak financial position . I am in a much different position since I have worked and saved money all my life and been very cautious about spending so I am looking forward to a comfortable retirement however I don’t have enough for both of us.
My daughter really wants nothing to do with him and she does live out of town and it’s sort of doable so I don’t really bring him up to her when he’s over.
I recently had surgery and he’s been over a few times to help me and I’m still recovering but last night he yelled at me after I
got off the phone with my daughter because I did not tell her he was over helping me and making me dinner etc. I told him I really was not up to arguing about it which I wasn’t and it seemed that he felt a little bad about yelling at me given that my health condition was impaired but he never really apologized. I want to add that my boyfriend was also aware that last week was the 7th anniversary of my late husbands death from cancer and I have to go take a test this week for precancerous tissue which he will go with me for. Needless to say I’m not emotionally strong right now. I find it disturbing he can only think of himself but then he is so loving and caring. Do I run from him or just grin and bear it since no one is perfect and somehow deal with my daughter?
It sounds like he got better with his money which is good, but if you're unsure, wait before he moves in.
If he putting pressure on you to move in all the time then that needs to stop too.
It’s yours and his relationship, not your daughter. Unless she is seeing a lot of red flags? And you agree with her? Or she can’t pin point what it is that makes her dislike him but somethings not right.
no, he shouldn’t of shouted at you, but why didn’t you tell your daughter he was there to help you? That could add to her disliking him even more, as in she probably thought ‘he’s not even there to look after you’. When actually he was there helping so was probably quite hurt.
In you last sentence you put should I run or grin and bear it. You don’t have to grin and bear anything if you’re not happy with him or are worried, do t trust him, then don’t stay with him. I understand it can be sconfusing when you’ve got other people opinions but listen to yourself and what you want.