Passed bought back
Found out from our son that a friend he used to hang around with as passed away recently of cancer. his friend was around the same age as our son who is 22. myself and husband were sad to hear of the loss because the lad was nice and friendly. our son wants to go to the funeral and it is taking place where we used to live years ago. I haven't been back to the area since we left which was 10 years and I have never wanted to go back. now all things are coming back from the passed and its stressing me out. our son wants to know where my mother lives, his grandma. I have not spoken or saw my mother in 10 years because of things she as said and because I have not wanted to get intouch with her. our son said it would be good to see her after whats happened with his friend but I don't want him to get intouch because its been so long and she as not saw him since he was 9 years old. I do not know if she is alive or in the same place. I told our son I haven't been intouch for years but he wants me to find out if she is still living there. I have sisters and a brother who I have no contact with either and they all live in the area where my mother did and I don't want our son to see them because its been so long and they will wonder why he is intouch. I was never really close to any of them and they had no interest in my children at all. my husband said to tell him I will find out if my mother is still living in the same place and to let him know then not say anything and if our son asked about her just to say that I could not find her but its all going to be lies and I will feel bad. my husband said should he tell our son and just put him straight that I don't want him to get intouch with my mother but I said I will sort it. I don't know what to do.
its bad enough when he goes to the funeral because he will see people that we knew and they will be asking about us, where we are living what we are dong etc and its like all the passed is coming back into m life which I do not want. my husband as already put in the lads name on google to see if anything came up about him and the problem is when you do that it takes you to facebook or Linkedin and then you might end up searching for others from your passed and I feel my husband will do the same and start thinking of passed girlfriends and wonder what they are up to. i checked my husbands phone and the lads name was in google. he had also been looking at jobs at a place he used to work at years ago and it was in the passed so I wonder why he as done it when he left the company. I hate facebook and I would never search for someone from my passed but that's the worst with the internet. you can find out if you really wanted to and see were someone is and I don't like it.
Stay focused. Attend the funeral and give your respects to the boy’s family ... then come home.
You don’t need to answer questions about anything to anyone. Just smile and say “we have a nice life living in XXX and dont really see people from the past.” Smile and change the subject.
Explain to your son that if he wants to communicate with his grandmother, he can start with a card to her and see if she responds. But again, dont let yourself feel pressured into visiting anyone you don’t feel comfortable with right now.
This event has hit some nerves for you and is causing you to imagine catastrophes. Have a talk with your husband and let him know your concerns. Hopefully he will comfort you at this time.
We are not going the funeral just my son. He is travelling there with his girlfriend He hadn't saw his friend in years but he wants to go to pay his respects. When we lived in the area where his friend lived we used to say hello to the parents but we were never proper friends with anyone from up there but I think they will ask him about us if he sees some of the old faces. I said I would try and find out if my mother was still living in the same place but I don't intend to and I don't know if to tell him the truth and say I would rather he didn't get intouch because she said things about me and also she might not be interested to see him after so many years and wonder why all of a sudden he wants to see her. what should I do.
If he asks, let your son know you and your mother are estranged, but he is free to have any kind of relationship he wants with her.
Thats about all you can do. He’s old enough to make his own decisions. Nothing she will say will hurt your relationship with your son. Trust that.