In an unrequited love with my father’s friend
on Feb 1 2019 at 11:14
First of all hi! I’ve come to this forum after thinking a lot about this problem. This started off as a crush when I was a kid maybe 13 or 14 I can say that was the first time i saw someone and was completely in love but as a kid I didn’t know that much so I shrugged it off then he used to come to our house and I would take a peek to look at him 2 yrs went by and I lived in the fantasy of getting married to him one day
but now(20) and( he should be around 42 I guess) I realize how stupid I was to think that something like this is possible but somehow I still can’t stop thinking about him, even when I try to I just can’t, if someone confesses to me o completely reject them thinking that im not doing right to him he’s the only one I love.
I can’t decide now if im in love or I just want to hang onto him like that, every other guy I meet I compare them to him even though I haven’t seen him for years.
This is seriously making me go crazy. should I just confes to him so this huge burden is lifted from my heart or should I just let everything be as they are because I literally don’t know what to do about this
on Feb 1 2019 at 13:18
Hanging on to what ???
At age13, often the most admired and loved male in our life is our father.
So along comes your dad’s BF (who has all your dad’s attributes because, after all, he’s who dad wants to hang with) and wham!! All those feelings you have get transferred onto this other guy.
Perfectly normal crush.
So ... make a list of all the things you like in a man (looks, job, personality, clothes, car, smile, etc) and look around. There are guys your age or a little older that can fill the “qualifications.”
(Just give them a chance and allow that no one is “perfect.”
on Feb 1 2019 at 21:54
Hanging onto him as he’s the only one for me and one day he will be mine that is a comeplete lie that I tell myself.
You think I haven’t tried giving other people chance but at the end of the day those guys are nothing compared to him he’s like the dream guy plus he’s not married which makes it more hard to forget about him
And they’re not BFs they’re just friends they met through a mutual friend so yeah
Im thinking of confessing to him through a call or something and I know he’s gonna reject me and maybe that’s good for me, maybe that’s what I want to move on. Should I do it?
on Feb 2 2019 at 04:39
i suggest you flirt with him rather than doing a total confession. if you flirt and show positive body language towards him you will find out if feelings are mutual or he avoids you due to age gap, other commitments or fear of upsetting your father. have you asked your father casually "Has Mr 42 ever said anything about me to you?" perhaps if your dad is buddies with Mr 42 he will act as go between matchmaker to hook you up with someone he respects and knows well rather than a stranger if he doesn't intervene. it is not uncommon for a 20ish girl to mate with a 40ish man. Scott Dusick and Sophie Richie is a well know age gap couple. Don't give up because of age if you really like this man. there are many benefits to mating with an older man. I am dating a 57 year old man as well as 21 year old guy currently and find unique benefits in both relationships.
on Feb 2 2019 at 10:28
it’s not that easy. And from the society I belong to fathers aren’t really matchmakers not with their friends exactly.
He won’t ever flirt with me knowing whose daughter I am. He really respects my father.
Well I’ve pulled a stupid stunt of “flirting” at 14 with him and that did not go well he told my father, my father almost killed me (jk) but then it got settled so is flirting a good idea again?
And how do you manage two guys at the same time? And of different ages it must be hard but um wow!
on Feb 4 2019 at 08:26
Depends what your father said when you was fourteen. Did he forbid your feelings for his friends? Did he indicate how his friend felt about you flirting him? Overall bad sign that he reported your flirting over flirting back to you.
on Feb 4 2019 at 18:12
My father was angry, of course. Of course he forbade my feelings for his friends I mean I was fourteen and he was still very old than me. Ikr like why would he do that he would’ve told me instead that I shouldn’t do it but no he had to tell my father! Now I just wanna hate him
on Feb 4 2019 at 20:45
Sounds like this is a bad deal for you all around. Go after him again will only gain a replay of your experience when fourteen. If he had a interest he would approached you by now. Men are easy to manage through your responses to them when they are naughty or nice.