Love Match Calculator

Just because you love them don't mean leave

Posted by
KAITLYN
on Feb 12 2019 at 01:59
Member since: 12 February 2019
Relationship advice I live with my boyfriend of over a year. Recently the honey moon phase has started to wear off and I found myself getting easier irritated with my better half. I think ALOT so my subject recently has been this, examining each and everything about our relationship, in hopes of making a stronger bond. I've noticed a lot of things that were quite obvious but never really paid mind to. some things started to eat at me day after day. im jut going to address the bigger ones.

Every couples has issues , I get that its how you handle them that matter. I'm more laid back so I really do not care what he does as long as he isn't in harms way, isn't going to jail, and isn't cheating im pretty much okay with it.

All I ask is that when he does go out without me (we live together) is he let me know what he is doing literally that's it. For example, if he is helping his buddy at their house but their other buddy needs help right down the road, I just want a quick text saying hey im going over to so and so to help them. plain as that , so if something happens I know where to reach him etc etc. he said he would but time after time again ive received info or heard him slip up about things he has went and done without just letting me know. No cheating or anything I have a problem with he just didn't inform me. It may seem small and stupid but it happens ALOT. I trust him and dont believe he would cheat (but guys suck ik) but in all honesty I dont think he is but how should I get him to do this simple task? ive tried asking but he automatically gets defensive or calls himself a bad boyfriend or says he is going to leave since he is so awful which isn't the point/.

'Next thing, I love doing things for him. My own source of happiness consists of giving him giving, cooking for him, little crafts to appreciate my care and love for him, you know anything that makes him happy. Well I dont mind him asking me To do things for him, I actually love it honestly bc I feel like I have a purpose. Lately my vision is becoming more and more clear and he asks me to do things for him very often which is okay but I rarely ever ask him to do things for me unless its something I can't do, or can be done more quickly or efficiently by him. Well, when I do ask him for a favor either his task at the time is more important so I have to wait however long until that is done which takes too long or is too busy to even consider it. But if one of his buddies is to ask him of a favor he hops on it. ive trend addressing this and he just gets butt hurt and things im just downing him and gets upset so the issue is never solved.

Another reoccurring thought crossing my mind, when im upset for whatever reason and start acting short or sad or anything no matter if he is what caused it or not he seems to get mad and irritable and once again avoid the serious subject at hands.

I am very happy with him and never even want to consider leaving. any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, keep in consideration I believe he is clueless to all of these faults. He doesn't mean to do these things but I see it and it rubs me the wrong way because ei am an overdramatic female. I just want us to have the strongest bond possible. Thanks in advance. Also , he's 2 years younger than I so a little more immature, he's getting better everyday.

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Feb 27 2019 at 23:05
Member since: 19 August 2014
Profuse apologies, Kaitlin, for the inordinate wait (we're 'understaffed' at the mo).

NORMALLY, it doesn't mean you have to leave. Especially if you're an Empath with natural Rescuer/Fixer tendencies. But, unfortunately, your partner ticks all of the criterium boxes for Narcissism or (I'd say) full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Malignant Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, Narcopath - Grandiose or Covert - "Cluster B" mental illnesses as manifest most in intimate relationships). Relationships with them are not healthy, equal, reciprocal, stable. And severely damaging to the target-partner - they, the Giver to the dysfunctional Take-take-taker (as you've recognised).

There'll be economic exploitation of whatever degree going on somewhere, too. Rent?

What is NOT up for debate is - this man is emotionally AND psychologically abusive toward you. *Clearly*. Nor the fact that your own standards are perfectly normal and healthy (tick!), and the way you expect to be treated, pretty universally bog-standard within normal, civilised society (tick!). A Narcissist - or plain Abuser - is the one relationship partner with whom you, the moreover normal-healthy (as proven by those above giant normalities, bar your 50-50 Cognitive Dissonance and *artificially*-induced Fear of Abandonment), CANNOT take one iota of blame for the relationship's descent because you need equality for equal co-creativity thus responsibility to exist.

Their changing - certainly on any lover's timeline - is so rare as to be negligible. They don't change. Because they don't admit they've a problem or LIKE being that way (getting their own way - by sneaky hook or by aggressive crook). Those rare few who do and agree to therapy - it takes YEARS for any improvement to show.

You're not the cause of their issues, despite they'd love you to believe them on that score; therefore, nothing you do or try will make a jot of difference (not genuine or greater than fleeting, anyway).

More importantly, they're too contagious and injurious to try to be in a relationship with. Hanging around will slowly-but-surely harm your health then sanity (brainwashing). And as they're very, very high-maintenance, even when in a good mood spell - it's non-stop exhausting.

These are not 'relationship issues', let alone natural, normal ones. The issue is him. His mind. The fact he doesn't think or behave right.

They cheat. (Normal guys moreover tend not to. But you won't attract a normal-healthy until you exit and heal from him *and, possibly* whomever originally primed you into tolerating this treatment and behaviour as if you couldn't deserve or get better (oh yes you could).) It's an inevitable (given whatever opportunity) urge as part and parcel of their corrupted wiring - what happens to their minds as the 'relationship' progresses - and is activated by entering the Devalue stage (Google 'Idealize, Devalue, Discard'). I think he's cheating or at least cruising already, that these 'buddies' aren't quite as masculine and platonic as he makes out. Makes sense, now, why he doesn't want you to know where he is or is switching locations to, etc., doesn't it?...and why he helps seemingly less important-to-him individuals before you? (Answer: because he's love-bombing them now, not you.) But they get off on torturing you, hence leak just enough indications to stress you out without your being capable of firing them (google Narcissistic Reveals and Duper's Delight).

He seems not to have a shred of respect for you (they don't - never did, just pretended or were high on too much Dopamine = artificial good attitude/behaviour, thus convinced themselves they did/could). Saying that, I imagine he turns the niceness & normalness or full-blown charm back on whenever he can tell or sense you direly need feeding false hope (that things can right themselves again). To keep you feeling too 'in two minds' (google Cognitive Dissonance) to decide whether to stay or go and not go back on it. Paralysed against making or sticking with either conviction. It's called Love-Bombing - please Google. They, via their highly but subtly characteristic menu of behaviours, quickly get you addicted to being love-bombed AND addicted traumatically (Google Trauma Bonding/Intermittent Reinforcement) by doing, with whatever (random) frequency/regularity - once they feel safe to - "a Jekyll & Hyde" on you - over the slightest things, usually. You never know WHERE you are. The only predictable thing about their ever-changing moods, opinions, ideas, demands is their unpredictability. Most times you literally cannot do right for doing wrong. Overall, you're on a Rollercoaster with over-high highs and literally Hellishly over-low lows.

It's not natural, it's not normal, it's not healthy. It's not a Relationship. You're a TOOL (Google Narcissistic Objectification or Primary Narcissist Supply). And in fact, ubeknownst to you, this is a COMPETITION - where he'll win and you'll lose.

But back to now: here you are, doing what virtually all romantic Narc targets do: chasing the mild to major 'high' that existed back when he was (initially) consistently anywhere between just nice and normal and Prince Charming. You never get it back because their brains literally cannot revert once the certain quantum of bonding activates their mal-programming. Their relationship cycle is, again, Idealize, Devalue, (pretend or real) Discard...and repeat, repeat, repeat (until the constant stress comes out in you as mild to severe, potentially lifelong inflammatory illness, e.g. fibromyalgia, IBS... go Google...and that's if the inevitable Depressions doesn't get you).

Some call them Slow Murderers, whether they mean to suck the life out of you or not.

And they can turn dangerous - even if they never got physical or aggressive beforehand - when you try to end it (if you do, keep it a secret until at a securely safe distance again). In Britain, two women per week are murdered by their abusive partners.

His leaping to call himself a bad partner is called The Pity Ploy.

His attacking you for daring to state a suggestion or complaint is called Narcissistic Injury/Narcissistic Rage/The Flip/Blame-shifting (and still Gaslighting)

His impressions of realising his discourteous error with a view to not repeating it - yet repeating it nonetheless - destroying your sense of integrity - is also part of what's called Gaslighting.

You want to stay because the (ever-rarer) good times (and possibly the sex-life) are SO DAMNED GOOD. And because your health hasn't noticeably started to suffer yet (you wait until it does, you'll feel very differently!). Plus because you think you can handle it. (Nope. No non-Narcissist can - fact.)

I'll shut up and leave you for now with this link - as the entryway to a longer surf about these damaged individuals:

https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/10/

Feel free to come back to discuss your findings.

PS: "Your" boy - whether Malig. Narc or Sociopath (too stupid to be Psycho) - is moreover a Covert (Introvert)...mainly highly passive-aggressive..."Okay, I will (now watch me not, b*tch)". They're the worst type (sorry), most liable to upset or destroy your hold on sanity. So after this article, google Covert Narcissistic Boyfriend or 'signs you're with a Covert Narcissist'... also known as the Victim-Bully.

PPS: "Also, keep in consideration I believe he is clueless to all of these faults. He doesn't mean to do these things but I see it and it rubs me the wrong way because ei am an overdramatic female. I just want us to have the strongest bond possible. Thanks in advance. Also , he's 2 years younger than I so a little more immature, he's getting better everyday"

Wrong, sorry. They DO know what they're doing, and love doing it (being able to control and affect/hurt makes them feel big). The one and only thing they don't know, is WHY. And you're not overdramatic, you're reacting according to the normal, healthy programme in your head, called, 'Being Abused'. Nothing. Wrong. With. You. Save for your unwilling addiction to the chemical brain state his behaviour provokes....but that's easily fixed.

You won't be remotely happy in another year; I guarantee it.

Sorry. I wish it weren't so, too.

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
KAITLYN
on Feb 28 2019 at 19:17
Member since: 12 February 2019
Holy. Shit. Wow. So like I'm the kind of person that has to have answers and if I don't get them I start creating answers myself whether right or wrong. I thought I was going crazy. But it all makes sense. Thank you so so much! It's gonna take some time to build up the courageous to take action upon my much needed answers but thank you so much! I have a I guess "story" I wrote in only one night of emotions I was dealing with. Could I post or send them and you give me some thoughts. I believe even though so sad and dark it's a really good write.
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 3 2019 at 01:54
Member since: 19 August 2014
Course you can, Kaitlyn! Post them here if you please?
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
KAITLYN
on Mar 3 2019 at 18:26
Member since: 12 February 2019
What do I do? I feel completely lost. I feel like I have NO ONE. Should I hide out alone , or should I go in and fake it? Why should I fake it for them when they do nothing for me ? I feel so alone . It's so easy for people to completely forget I exist until everyone else is gone and I'm the only one who gives a fuck so as a last option they settle for me and my actual compassion just so they can forget me again when the people who use them day after day get all their care and attention. People will ignore my way of reaching out to them as if they were ignorant to the fact I had been trying to do just that except any other time they are none stop stuck in their phone. Only when I appear on the screen do they decide to put it down.. You knew something was wrong but in a room fool of crowded people said nothing, you put it off and try and confront me when we are finally alone but it's too late then. I see how much you care. To you it's as if nothing at all is wrong but I'm sitting here with my mind racing so many questions but never any answers. Better yet , I'm typing this. That says enough. You carry on and socialize as if I weren't even here, but the question is do really forget or do you know yet not care enough to help. If it isn't loVe what exactly is it. Does anyone even notice that I am completely lost and alone or do they just not care. You joke and try to make me laugh, but is it bc you're seriously concerned or are you just trying to comfort your own feelings bc deep down you know there's something wrong, you feel you're who caused it forcing you to make me put a smile on my face so you don't feel that guilt but have no intentions of fixing the actual , emotional problem eating me alive. And once again, I'm left here, alone. Nobody even knows I'm falling apart, nobody even knows these tears are streaming down my face. Truth is , I don't want them to. That comes with fake sympathy , fake compassion , but the fact that it happens way more often than it should still hurts , just as fucking bad. I don't want pity, I don't want questions, I don't want attention, all I want ... is answers. I hate that I have to ask any one of you to do absolutely anything for me, for just some bitch that always somehow ends up here so we're forced to deal with , but I dont know what to do . I dont know how to handle this. I've never been so confused in my life. And I can't tell anyone. They will either say it's the drugs, call me crazy, manipulate my mind giving me hope that maybe just maybe they may give one tiny shit about me only to have the cycle stuck on constant repeat. Every time I always plan how I'm going to handle it , whether it be confrontation, revenge, or just nothing. But it always takes you so long to even acknowledge my existence that my love and care intercept turning me into a slave letting myself take beating after beating allowing the owner to get away with it giving them more confidence which means each time gets worse, hurts more. Yet, I still do nothing. What's wrong with me? Why don't I do nothing? Why do I allow myself to feel so low and think so poorly of myself and not try and ease myself from that pain, my own mind? It's like I want this kind of misery but why? Why can't I just do what's best for me once? Make myself happy before others? Why should everyone else enjoy life even if it means I hate it and question why I'm even alive? Why am I standing here in the pouring rain alone on the back porch to avoid interaction while they are in shelter laughing getting high getting to escape reality even for a moment and be able to enjoy this moment. While I hide back here with so many questions and no one to ask and again no answers. Maybe this is what I deserve... as I am fixing myself a drink to take this pill who knows what nothing to bad I know but still no actual truth hoping I can maybe get some kind of relief from all these thoughts I see all those pill bottles on top of the fridge. They've never stood out at me like like this before. Part of me wondered how many it would take off how many different kinds to put it all to rest then. The other part just wants enough to be numb. But I know this will be there still unanswered when the effects wear off. I don't wanna die I need to know the truth more than that to even consider. Why?? I'm questioning my whole life. I can't escape from this but maybe taking this one pill will actually be helpful. Not escaping but simply easing this. Maybe a little? Now to go back and isolate myself in this crowded room full of what I thought were friends and family to not even to receive the slightest of any of their attention. I may be falling apart but who's problem is that except mine right? This isn't the first time this familiar situation has taken place, why can't I fake a smile like I did every other time. Why couldn't I put on my poker face to avoid anyone even having the chance to worry about how I feel to eliminate the chance of them noticing and not caring? What makes this time different? All this is what my mind continues to circle and what are they discussing. The saving of the lives of two birds. Nobody even realizes that there was a death today, the death of everything I believe, everything I thought I knew, what I had spent so much time evaluating that I thought I finally had figured out. The death of who I used to be . I may not know anything else at all, I mean absolutely nothing , the ONLY thing I know right now is that the old Kaitlyn is gone. And to whoever the new, reality seeing Kaitlyn is going to be , good luck. Movies have always been such a huge impact and love of mine, but suddenly the last thing I wanted was to consume my time watching something fake created by fake people hiding behind fake truths. So what do I want to do ? Seeing this all written down, even I think it shouts nothing but crazy bitch but I can't just push it to the back of my mind and hide it with any and every distraction possible. All these unanswered questions have finally taken control . Now I can't live my life, NOT miserable without what I've been searching for for so long. Will I show these entries to anyone and let them judge me, let them believe in crazy or the drugs are taking over? Will I allow myself to be so open with someone given the fact that not once has anyone even been halfway their true self to me scared to express what truly consumes their minds each day , what they are coving and pushing away themselves? I dont know . No more planning , no more trying to take control of the situation before it's even a situation. It was time to let go and let whatever happens happen.. On the bright side, there isn't anything I can do to avoid or change it anyway right. God, looking back I literally set myself up for disappoint, pain, constantly getting my hopes up just to have them crushed. Always being so on edge trying to prevent what can't be prevented. I'm the idiot for thinking I could be that useful in anyway for anythingg. Something is different this time. Usually this process comes with so much pain, grief, hurt, anger, regret, I was looking at the wall bc usually this is the part I cry or some shit but staring at those white walls I felt, Nothing. Of course my mind hasn't stopped throwing all these thoughts around but other than wanting the truth there was no feelings, no emotions. I dont know if this is gonna be great or horrible but hey what else to do but sit back and find out.. Some of the things that cross my mind I can't quite put into words yet but yet the hold just the same amount of power in myself as everything else. People commenting on actors from what used to be one of my favorite escapes aka tv shows. My brain new that the normal reaction would be to announce that they were from my favorite show but who has time for pointless things about me or my life anyway they won't waste a second of their time for anything to do with me so I'm done giving them what they don't deserve . I took my time, slowly finishing putting on my socks and shoes . Not once did I stop or move out of the way allowing you to move forward while I put my actions on pause just to have you steadily continuing forward never once pausing your life not even to realize the sacrifices I made for you on a daily to try to get you to feel anything for me at all , but that sounds way too thought out overdramatized bc I was always right there right. That's because when you didn't even flinch definitely not wait for me to catch up after I gave my time the least you could give me was yours. No, I naturally shifted into overdrive working twice as hard just to catch up with you before you could even notice. But not this time .. Okay so maybe a little rage showed its presence but only for a second. Still a major improvement . I was going to make myself some food but I wasn't hungry for food, it was answers that I was starving for. For the first time when I was getting ready to lay in bed the clothes of choice weren't what he would like most, what will make him think I'm attractive, sexy, no. I put on a crop top, something I used to hate and fear bc other people made it that way I let them define beauty . Tonight I put on that crop top letting all of me hang out without feeling shame in the progress the shorts well they were just comfy. Maybe I will be okay on my journey to answer. Maybe I wouldn't . But atleast I finally stopped being a coward and starting taking my life into my own hands. We only get one life, why live it putting others above me? What good would that do me? When I die then I would die never knowing happiness, never know who I truly am. It's time to think about me. What is it that is going through your mind through all the silence? God it drives me mad wanting the truth but do you even know the truth? Or were you too deep in burying it that even you had lost sight of your demons in your mind that not even you knew what it was anymore. Who knows, maybe you'll have a huge realization later in life , mine just so happened to come at 20. Or maybe,, you wouldn't. That was your problem not mine. They say Curiosity killed the cat , but that doesn't make my curiosity even flinch. I will find out even if that means I force you to seek answers to these questions that you you urself don't even know. I guess all there is to say is , meow meow mother fuckers. That song, it did something, triggered something. Why ? (Radioactive) Surprise surprise. Once again you're cleaning joking or loving or whatever you consider trying to make amends you asked once what's wrong with me I didn't immediately give in and respond you never more to bother with it you just try to fix it put a smile on my face get me to hold you and tell you it's okay expressing my love for you reassuring you're at peace but with what. The guilty conscious of facing that you made a mistake you hurt me but you don't want to know why or how to fix it , truly fix it. You want to relieve this guilt with no intention of actually relieving me of the burden , pain, or whatever it is that you caused. As long as I wasn't physically showing major signs of a problem or weakness or devastation it didn't matter no matter what was tearing the inside of me to shreds. You saved yourself from the small , ignorant , bee sting of pain caused by your unaccepting that were human were not perfect we're going to make mistakes . Congrats. Now sleep well precious prefect angel while I cry myself to sleep wondering why I was cursed to have such terrible thoughts in my brain of myself while you are in dreamland and being completely Clueless to the fact that beside you lies a girl who time after time again tried to fill her hole that emptiness inside her only to have it ripped bigger and deeper every time only to set up this devastating cycle to repeat itself destroying her sweet, caring, thoughtful, innocent soul replacing it with the only thing she had left the only thing she hadn't tried , anger but at who ? over what? Good question. Why was I constantly assuring the happiness of a person who oh so easily had tore mine away over and over until it was gone? Maybe one day I'll look back at these enteries and realize wow I really was a lunatic. But maybe I look back on these and can say that's when my life stopped being full of such horror, sadness, and despair and I started truly living. Well , either being true it'll come when the time comes I had to focus on now not letting anyone else interfere with the actions I take. I knew it couldn’t be that simple and easy. I still had one weakness that will haunt me , true compassion. I could feel the weakness shaping through but I have to see the bigger picture here. It’s not going to be easy but hey on the bright side, I’m going to be alone through the whole damn thing. My life couldn’t have gotten much worse or miserable so what did I have to lose? People who only remember my existence when they accidentally find themselves stuck with me just being there as always and didn’t give a shit whether I was dead in a ditch and as long as they didn’t do it wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over it. Sometimes it's so clear and others , not. Maybe, all the assumptions are wrong, not wrong to the people who are offended by the brutal reality that they could be that shitty, but truly wrong. Maybe someone does love me does actually care about me. If that be the case, they were too little too late. Now that I have this newfound mindset its going to take a lot to change what I have already concluded from years, months, weeks, because not once can I remember a single moment that anyone proved anything other. I deserve to be loved unconditionally. I deserve to finally know what it feels like to have an emotional connection with someone so magical that I would finally be #1. I thought I had already found this , but with ignorance comes bliss. Unfortunately, once you actually realize one thing you believed so strongly in or disapproved for reason you KNEW was right was always wrong. It’s a real eye opener. Showing you the multiple occasions that your true colors were shining so fucking bright I guess it blinded only me , because I was the only one who didn’t see it. Why the actual fuck??? Another to add to the ever growing list of unanswered questions. How? How can you just say nothing, for so long. I asked for one simple thing, and you still couldn’t let yourself fall below me to grant me a simple lighter. I talked as if you were there, I didn’t even realize you were gone. Maybe this curiosity thing is going to be an issue after all. . . How many times was this the case?! My assumptions are what my mind has created out of not knowing but this, I had seen with my own eyes. Here was one truth, you were able to lie to my face , while pleasuring yourself to other women. As if I didn't give you enough, I weren't enough. After the issues with self image I have you sit there and for selfish disgusting reasons get a release . There it's , how could I even think it would be gone. Pain. This time I'm going to say something , I have to . What else was there to do. Of course, it would have to wait until after you pleased yourself to god knows what slut, maybe , Carson... sex is supposed to be special, romantic, intimate. But that was not to me , definitely not to you... what do I do . I want to go and hide , but what would that solve. But i dont know how much longer I could lay bound in this bed. As I cuddled the bear I won for myself I was doing it again, trying to plan what I was going to say knowing I had no idea. After all that, the result is still the same. Was opening up the right thing or should I have buried it once again. I've never felt so confused so .. I don't even know what to call it. Was this a result of my past haunting me? I want to be able to believe words but how could I . I thought I was safe. I thought I finally had what I had always wanted. I believed him after everything. Everything I've been through , my love was so strong for him I couldn't do anything but put my entire trust in the palm of his hands. As he held me that night it was like never before. This was perfect. That's why I have no other person to blame except myself. After everything, how could a guy that was sleeping like a baby like everything was okay like he was .. free have such a strong hold on me especially since it was a one way hold. Its never been more clear that I will never learn anything except that the truth eventually will find you, even when you fully believe that you already had it. And if it wouldn't have been for me trying to find a website from earlier that day to try and ensure that I would keep my promise and make it happen faster. I was looking for advice on how to win disability not for me but for him. His whole life had been so hard I wanted him to be able to take it easy for a while. Why , why did the truth have to slap me in the god damn face? I didn't even want it ! I tried to forget about it. I tried I laid by his side , while he was still peacefully and unbothered sleeping like an angel. I tried to get some much needed sleep but I couldn't. I felt disgusting. I got up and took a shower as hot as the water could possibly let me. Nothing was helping . There's so many things that I wanted, I wanted to hate you I wanted to blame myself. I wanted anything but what I fucking got. All I felt was selfless and complete love. Unlike you , I valued your trust and couldn't imagine breaking it. I couldn't lie straight to your face at your darkest hour . Deep down, I admire that in you which is the most fucked up part. But hey look where trust got me. More fucked up than before. But would I do anything about it of course not . I can't lose you. Reality's a bitch just so happen I am yours... You couldn't possibly understand anything I feel, bc I could never, ever, do what you did and especially not sleep as easy as you were. It's not fucking fair. Yet, I never wanted it to be. In my eyes you are so much deserving of a good life , through my eyes I am nothing. Why ? All I still wanted was to hold you and imagine how it felt to truly be loved in return. And here I was with what I thought I desired , truth , answers. How did I know them without you having having to say a word? Bc I finally felt it . You don't love me , you hate me . And now I could see that. I hated me. I physically could not look at myself in the mirror without literally almost fainting what I could finally see was horrible. I can't blame you for anything. To be nothing I sure am
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 4 2019 at 21:12
Member since: 19 August 2014
Bear with me until later or tomorrow, Kaitlin - am a bit up against it today and want my mind free to properly concentrate.
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 5 2019 at 22:22
Member since: 19 August 2014
Excellent venting, Kaitlin. (Y) (A) I'll read it again and comment on the specifics on Friday (this isn't my day-job, it's voluntary, and I don't get to post as often as I'd like, it's sort of every three days or sometimes one sessions weekly...and then I'll get a run of opportunities. It's a bit random.). But the fact you can express your hurt like that, and as a Stream of Consciousness, will help you massively. "Better out than in" - and it's true. Vent as much as you like. (My only 'ask' is that, next one, you insert paragraph breaks to make it easier to read? Cheers.)

Also, feel free in the meantime to respond to any of the waiting visitor-posters if you find you suddenly 'spot your partner' in what they describe of theirs, because it's mutually very cathartic to compare notes and vent with a same/similar-stage co-victim. Don't feel you have to, though; only if you get a gagging urge to and would otherwise have thought you ought not due, say, to needing assistance yourself?

Anyway, I hear an awful lot of Whys in there. Have you explored the link I gave you? And where did it take you/what have you learned, worked out or realised?

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 6 2019 at 21:25
Member since: 08 June 2016
Hi KAITLYN

Here with you, I need to compose my thoughts and then get back with you.

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 6 2019 at 21:52
Member since: 19 August 2014
(No, Scopes - the as yet UN-answered ones! LOL)
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
KAITLYN
on Mar 7 2019 at 01:06
Member since: 12 February 2019
Sorry im new and forget about this until I check my email lol please any more feel free
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 7 2019 at 10:34
Member since: 08 June 2016
I'm not forgetting...
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 7 2019 at 22:50
Member since: 08 June 2016
KAITLYN many apologies.

I'm working a strange schedule from afternoon to late evening.

I'm not very good when it comes to giving good advice off the top of head.

However sometimes I do come up with an idea and put it out there

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 8 2019 at 19:36
Member since: 19 August 2014
(It's okay, Scopes - Kaitlin's said she's happy for others to contribute. Ignore what I said and carry on. (Y) (A) )
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 9 2019 at 20:43
Member since: 08 June 2016
Soulmate looks like you pretty much nailed it on the head with your comment above.

As always a good loving relationship is a two way street.

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 10 2019 at 01:42
Member since: 19 August 2014
(Amen, Brother!)

Kaitlin, are you going to answer the question my last post?

While I'm waiting:

"If it isn't loVe what exactly is it."

Addiction. Contrived, coerced addiction. You'll see that verified as you surf (- are you surfing?).

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
KAITLYN
on Mar 11 2019 at 07:18
Member since: 12 February 2019
I would like to thank you all so very much for your answers and other. Im sorry its taken me so long i still dont quite know how to work the site very well. Can you each with questions explain the question im a dumb blonde lol. I very much need answers and am willing to answer whatever it is!
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 11 2019 at 10:25
Member since: 08 June 2016
KAITLYN as it stands you're doing a fine job with your input to us.
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SCOPES
on Mar 11 2019 at 21:21
Member since: 08 June 2016
And please do come back, let us know what's going on hopefully we can help.
Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Mar 11 2019 at 22:25
Member since: 19 August 2014
Kaitlin, can you copy and paste all the questions you don't quite understand, please?

(In case you don't know how: after pressing the Reply button to create the 'reply box', scroll up the thread and block highlight whichever sentence/paragraph with your cursor (to make it Blue); then either right-click your mouse and choose Copy from the little drop-down menu that appears, or just press Control and the letter C together. Then, in your 'reply box', position your cursor where you want the text to appear and either do the right-click again, choosing Paste, or just press Control and V together.)

Just because you love them don't mean leave
Reply from
SOCCER15282
on Mar 18 2019 at 12:55
Member since: 18 February 2018
Well, It sounds like overal your relationship with your bf is good. However there may be a gap with the communication with him when it come to tasks or favors that you ask him to do. He might not realize that you would appreciate these favors and tasks done in a more timely manner and if it can't be done when it should of that he should inform you about this when he has the moment via text, call or in my opinion face to face. You also need to make sure he knows that you respect and understand that he has friends but you are also just as important and if not more.

I hope that this helped and I wish you the best of luck! I hope to hear updates progress if you can

Take Care and Good Luck!!! :)

-Alex

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