Do I get back with my ex or move on with my life?
So I was with my ex for 2 and a half years and it was an amazing relationship, I was ready to settle down with him and one day completely to my surprise he finished things with me because he wanted to focus on his career and put all of his energy into that.
He broke my heart and I was devastated but I had to be understanding because he was getting busy at work and I didn’t want to hold him back in any way, I just wanted him to be happy. I found out a week later he was meeting a girl that wanted to get to know him when we were together and she wanted to get with him but he said he didn’t see her like that and just enjoyed her company so I trusted him.
After being broken up for a while my friend introduced me to this guy who I got on super well with, we could chat for hours about nonsnse and he said he liked me. But my ex told me he regretted breaking up with me and wanted me back and after telling everyone I wouldn’t get back with him, i decided to try things again and I stopped talking to the other guy immediately.
Me and my ex decided to take things really slow and that we weren’t going to be exclusive because I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but we agreed we weren’t going to get with anyone. After two weeks of us taking it slow I went out with my friend and saw the guy I spoke to while me and my ex were broken up and we ended up sitting up all night talking and we cuddled at our friends house.
I feel like I have betrayed my ex’s trust and I have ended things with him yesterday because I don’t think it’s fair on him and I wouldn’t be happy if he had that connection. Even though we aren’t official and we didn’t actually kiss or anything, I think what I did is over the line.
I need advice because I really do want to be with my ex and I know I can’t be with him unless I tell him what happened, it’s eating me up but I’m worried when I tell him he won’t want anything to do with me and I’m confused because I don’t think I would have cuddled with that boy and enjoyed his company so much if my relationship with my ex was right. I couldn’t sit for hours like that talking to my ex, so I’m in two minds about whether he’s right for me.
Any helpful advice would be appreciated
I was married for 24 years. I loved him with all my heart, but we were not right for each other. When we split, and I started meeting new people, I realized how starved I was for real connection. Conversation, compassionate touch, shared interests and values, etc. Still, if my ex had suggested another try, I may have considered it. But I knew reality would have eventually caught up to us again. So I made the decision to date again. And when I met my current bf, I was in shock a bit. We genuinely enjoy each other's company. It's like I have the best friend I've ever known, AND we share a physical connection beyond anything I'd previously experienced.
I sense that you don't have that with your ex. And, now you know it's a possibility to find a deeper connection with someone that's better for and to you. I strongly suggest you have an honest look at your relationship with your ex. If you still in love, you wouldn't have been interested in anyone else, on any level. If you thought you could be happy with your ex, you wouldn't have separated in the first place.
I understand the urge to get back together. Starting new relationships is hard and scary. Sometimes familiar SEEMS like the better choice. In my experience, that's just not true. He's your ex for a reason. Or several reasons. People don't change. Not really. So if the reunion is based on the assumption things will be different, you'll be sorely disappointed.
In the end, I always try to choose the path of least regret. Which will you regret more a year or ten from now. Blowing the chance to struggle in a relationship that went nowhere, or blowing the chance to explore a more compatible and happy kind of love?
I know what I chose, and I have zero regrets. Even after a 24 year marriage, I know now he was not the love of my life. At 50, I'm finally genuinely happy in my love life. I wish that for you, too.
This has helped me so much in deciding what to do! You’re completely right, I do love my ex but I think I was just trying again because it was familiar and it’s what I was comfortable with, the thought of getting to know someone all over again is scary but I might find more happiness there. Thank you so much for your advice!
Good for you! I'm so glad that I could help! You'll be so glad you gave your own happiness a chance. Dating is scary at first, but it gets easier as you go. Just remember that settling again will only get you right back where you started. You deserve to have the kind of love that's as easy as it is real. Good luck, and remember to have some fun!