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Confused by new girlfriend?

Posted by
YOGIBEAR
on Feb 16 2019 at 12:32
Member since: 16 February 2019
Relationship advice Hi

I have been dating this woman for 4 months now.

Background...When I met her she told me she has never been emotionally attached to any man and it will be sex only. She started opening up to me after a month of sleeping together and told me she got pregnant at 14 and had to fend for herself, alcoholic mother who is no longer alive.

She told me at the start she has never had feelings for any man. I said jokingly, you haven't met the right one.

Sex is amazing, the best we both have had. We both have strong feelings now. But she allows her ex to dictate, if he thinks she is dating he goes off on one and won't help with her son.

She had a boyfriend 12 years ago and had a son together. After 3 years she broke up with him as he was controlling and abusive. He would not accept the split so she had to sign over their home to him and she started again. She had another boyfriend 2 years ago who also became controlling and needy they were together 8 months and when she split with him he caused trouble threatening to tell her ex about them, she told her ex who physically abused her, hitting her. When he found out she dated he disappeared for 3 days not answering her calls.

She has to be patient when she collects her son from his house as he shouts at her and she does not want her son seeing this as she had this as a child. She has a high powered job and relies on her ex to help with her son when she is working, collecting him from school etc.

She told me recently that she has developed feelings for me and her barriers are down, I think a lot of her BUT.. if her ex finds out (father of her son) he will not collect their son from school and starts being nasty to her. We only see each other twice a week. She says when she has been dating me for longer she will tell her ex about me but does not want to rock the boat until she is sure about me. They spend time together for her son's sake, for example, taking him to football as he is a good player.

I did ask why not give it a go with her ex for her son's sake? she said no it wouldn't work as he is moody, puts me down and I have no feelings towards him.

I asked her can you see us dating full time she said of course but she wants to see how we develop first.

To sum up... all her men have had issues, controlling, needy and smothered her she said im the first who is relaxed and not like this.

I can't date her properly at the moment as she can't risk upsetting her ex as she relies on him to help with her son. I go to her house twice a week in the evening when her son is sleeping, she is now very loving towards me but I'm confused.

Recently she has opened up to me I can see she has lots of feelings but she does not want to upset her ex at the moment. There is no romantic connection with her ex I know that.

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Feb 16 2019 at 14:20
Member since: 27 December 2013
You see her two times a week, when her son is asleep? She keeps you at arm’s lenghth away because of her ex husband’s control over their child? She has a history of dysfunctional relationships?

She told you at the beginning this was for sex. Believe her.

She tells you what you want to hear because that makes you stay.

Sorry guy, but you are being used. But I think you know that already, deep down.

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
YOGIBEAR
on Feb 16 2019 at 15:25
Member since: 16 February 2019
Thanks for the reply.

I have never been played by a girl before and I'm a pretty switched on guy with options if I choose. I thought to give her the benefit of the doubt.

That was in my mind but she tells me that we are a lot more than friends with benefits now and she does not want to see anyone else and she would prefer it if I did not?

I've told her in the past I'm happy with friends with benefits but she says no its a lot more as I've got her barriers down and she has a lot of feelings for me.

She says we will be dating me full time and things will develop but as her other partners have been, as she said control freaks and needy and clearly I'm not and she is seeing how we develop before she tells her ex she is dating?

Could this not be the case?

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Feb 16 2019 at 15:32
Member since: 27 December 2013
Are you sure she’s divorced?

Excuse ne, but why would she need permission ir even have to tell an ex that she is dating?

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Feb 16 2019 at 15:35
Member since: 27 December 2013
Are you sure she’s divorced?

Excuse ne, but why would she need permission ir even have to tell an ex that she is dating?

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
YOGIBEAR
on Feb 16 2019 at 15:52
Member since: 16 February 2019
Hi

I'll give you some more history as its complicated...

she has never been married.

She split with her ex (father of the child) 7 years ago approx. Her son is 11 years old.

He still has a thing for her but he is controlling and at times violent. She said she knew it was wrong after 3 months.

She dated a guy for 8 months and after a few months he changed, started making demands, always needy by blowing up her phone if she did not answer a text immediately etc.

After 8 months she ended it with him, he said he will tell her ex all about them so she told her ex that she was seeing a guy for a month, he hit her around and exploded. She told the guy she was recently seeing and he said you deserve everything you got and wait until I tell him it was 8 months and not 1 month after that she was upset and had no contact with the guy.

I said how can you put up with this she said that she would not put up with it again and if the ex (father of the child) said he will not help with her son she will go through the courts and make arranged custody and would not put up with being hit.

Hence all of her guys (so far) have been pretty appalling. She could be being cautious.

She said she is seeing how we get on before she goes down the road of confronting the controlling ex and announcing she is dating.

It makes a bit of sense to me but again i can't be sure.

Confused by new girlfriend?
Reply from
YOGIBEAR
on Feb 16 2019 at 15:56
Member since: 16 February 2019
ps.

if he thinks she is dating he won't collect the boy from school or help in any way. As she has a high ranking job she works a lot and has no family around to help.

Basically, he is holding her ransom.

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