I have been with my partner 5yrs and we are engaged. He left his ex wife 6yrs ago after an affair (not me!) which didn’t amount to anything. Met me and the rest is history as they say... his ex wife however took all her frustration and upset from the affair and breakdown of her marriage on me despite me meeting my partner when he was single. His ex wife has said and done some terrible things over the first couple of years of our relationship to the point of sending racists texts about me.
On top of this, they have a daughter together but also work together along with other family members from my partners side, and she still gets invites to his families events (and still goes!! Even when she had a new partner herself) making it impossible for myself to build a relationship with his family. Also, his parents still have her photos up in the house on show including a wedding photo!!
She is so entrenched in his family that it is causing huge arguments between myself and my oartner and I don’t have a relationship whatsoever now with his parents because I’ve been made to feel so uncomfortable. What do I do?!?! There’s no escape from it, I’m not a jealous person and I’ve not ever responded to anything that she has said/done as initially I understood where her upset had come from however once she brought my colour in to the mix there was no going back as I find this unforgivable.
Your partner should be taken the lead on this transition not you. He should visit family with you when ex is not there. This will build the relationship unless they are racist. He should be objecting to pictures of his ex all over parents home and lack of respect towards you.
You need to press him to make an effort to transform family away from ex to you. get across your depression this is causing in your relationship and you will not puppet forever to his ex