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Dealing with problematic GF over distance

Posted by
on Feb 23 2019 at 16:09
Member since: 23 February 2019
Relationship advice I've been knowing this girl over the internet for more than a year now. We've argued and fought quite a lot in the past mostly because of our problems, as we happen to have both anxiety issues and low self-esteem.

I was having a mental breakdown in which I was afraid of not being able to meet her up irl and told her about it, she immediately called me over phone to calm me down. She initially told me some pretty basic stuff like "Don't be worried" and "I'm here for you", then went on to calm me down more using her own tactics. She wasn't doing a good job at it and I was even more upset about myself. After a while she got upset and went silent. I ended the call and we chatted since. She started to pour out - like she usually does when she's upset about herself - "I'm bad at giving advice", "I don't deserve you", "We should start seeing other people", "I'm a mess...". That was when I knew I had to stop being a moody douche and talk to her, but things got too far from the edge.

She continued to act in resentment about her choices and what a better person she would have been if she hadn't met me. The more she poured out, the more upset I became, but I just couldn't do anything about it seeing her being frustrated.

Her dad is everything you'd expect from a dad model: Loving, loyal husband, good morals and a strict father. I guess the problem with that was the kids become afraid of the standards you expect them to have as your children, and that's not an exception for my GF. She would be the kind of person who is willing to blame herself for some minute mistake she's done and tends to dramatize it, whether it's a broken teacup or bad grades. She also suffered from bulimia due to being body-shamed as a kid and now has mild depression and a lot of stress from university. I kinda helped her with a fraction of the problems I listed above, but I just don't really know what to do from there.

I started to realize this kind of behaviour from both of us was starting to hurt our relationship, and whenever a fight goes on like this, I got disappointed, mostly at myself for not controlling my emotions. What am I supposed to do? Should I end it here or continue? I still love her with all my heart and I wanna care for her.

"I don't know myself anymore" was the last words she told me before completely shutting down.

Dealing with problematic GF over distance
Reply from
on Feb 24 2019 at 22:19
Member since: 27 December 2013
The best thing is to find her a counselor who specializes in all her issues. YOU are not a therapist and you admit it - you don’t know what else you can do.

Offer to drive, walk, busride or bike her there - but she’s got to actually go there.

Dealing with problematic GF over distance
Reply from
on Mar 12 2019 at 13:40
Member since: 18 February 2018
Wow, so it sounds like you both have a lot of mental health levels. I understand that you both have been in a long distance relationship for approximately a year. It is a very hard to endure and maintain a long distance relationship. It sounds like you both want to help each other but at the same token you both need professional help and I mean that in the nicest way possible.

I am glad that you agree that both of your behaviors were hurting the relationship. It is not fun or easy to let someone you like go.

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