One year relationship with a great guy - however 'Dave Ramsey' style
Ive been in a relationship with a great guy for a about 14 months now. He is amazing. At the start of the new year we sat down and with much embarrassment per his request we went over my expenses/ debt/ etc. (brief view of my life- I have always been a completely single parent. I have an 11 year old daughter who I have raised on my own. I have always supported the both of us while maintaining a pretty decent job. (a lot of ppl would say, however I only make $20 an hour.) I have my own home and recently graduated with my associates degree in criminal justice. With my student loan and car and mortgage and credit card debt I owe about 46K not including my home.
Now, IN enters ‘guy’. He has 2 of his own business and makes possibly 80k a year. Minimum.
Our relationship goals are to eventually get married. However he wants me to pay off my student loan in 1 year. He has suggested I work for him on Saturdays. His shop is about an hour away from my home and he will pay me $400 a month. Those Saturdays I leave my daughter with family. He has also suggested I ‘get rid of my car’ and find something cheaper. He has posted my car which is 18k owed on ebay. – I have done this. I have only had one offer of 11k
I would of course be responsible for paying the balance of whatever I do get for it and what is still owed.
Meanwhile he doesn’t have a ‘home’ ‘home’ he owns a car dealership and in that parking lot he has a trailer. So, since we met he has been staying in that trailer to save money. Now most recently he has been spending a lot of time in my home.
when he cooks, he buys those groceries. However he INSISTS to know that when he pays me when I work for him on Saturdays that that money goes to my ‘loans’ and not ‘stuff I don’t need’.
However since he has been staying so much at my house he seems to have a hard time believing that my ELECTRICITY bills have gone up..
(??) he stated last night that ‘if he was going to give me money he would rather know that it is Going to my debt..
I don’t get it? He basically also lives at MY house YET doesn’t want to contribute to living there? Electric, water, etc..
I just want to know where I am wrong.
I see his goal and I want to be there also. I have told him, i haven’t spent any extra money ANYWHERE he has me living by the envelope system. I don’t HAVE extra money to spend anywhere but damn..
He is a great guy. He really is but he also has his faults and i am so tired of having these stupid little arguments with him.
I don’t know where we are headed but i just wish that wherever it was that we would accept and understand that because i am TIRED of this unnecessary stress and drama.
I feel like he fails to understand that i was paying my bills before he came. I can pay them after as well. Will i have to work my ass off now that i have a 250 student loan? Yes. Is my car expensive and i wish i didn’t have a car note, yes! but i need transportation to get me to work..
Funny - here’s this guy who lived a spartan lifestyle - yet you claim he makes good money. Something’s not right there.
iNow he has immersed himself into your finances and wants you to downgrade your bills and work for him with the stipulation that your “wages” go to pay off your debt. Something’s not right there either.
He lives with you and uses your home and utilities yet fails to contribute in any way except food - which he enjoys too. Something’s not right.
You say you are a criminal justice program student. They must have discussed sociopath and narcissist behavior. Check this relationship for any of these signs.