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Trust is a hard thing to get back

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Relationship advice Hi all,

Looking for more advice, my partner has issues with trust and thrives on adulation from anyone. If someone shows an interest and he is well dressed (suit attire) she wants the attention. She told me that all men cheat and that I am a cheater cause I helped my ex-girlfriend with $3000 bond money. So in retaliation she went out as she claims with her much younger girlfriend to a nightclub in the city. I was away at the time and she was borrowing my car, she constantly updated what was going on IE: Live band playing at it was fun etc… and she lied to me about taking the car to the city. This was back on the 30 December 2018. She told me she was going home and I tried to call her thinking she was home she sort of told had parked the car on the side of the road to answer! I said but the car has Bluetooth and it clearly did not sound like she was in the car as it had an echo like a hallway. Anyway she finally admitted she didn’t take the car and the stranger thing was she did not use any money in our bank accounts. So I don’t know what to believe on this….
Anyway it’s been 2 months and all was good, nothing to say what is going on etc.. However we have a joint phone accounts and I have seen her do messages (I suspect Imessages) and flicks quickly back to Instagram? But I did not inquire except look at our phone bill to see she had not sent any text messages at all. (yes the cheaters phone should always be a Iphone)
So for about two weeks now she asked if she could go out on a Friday night with a lady friend who we both know, however this is the same friend she used as an excuse when she was married to go out (she told me this).
So I why not Sunday day (Saturday she works)? She said that was OUR day and Saturday night is our date night. I said well I am coping with what happened back in December and the fight we had about my ex-girlfriend etc… She said don’t you trust me? I said yes but I need time to get that trust back. So I suggested that by all means go out with her but send me a picture say 7pm and again at 9pm? She instantly said well I won’t go out (without hesitation) and complained that I cheated and she doesn’t cheat etc etc …
I know a cheater will always get caught out, but I am trying to help her get over her past and he desire to get adulation.
Generally, it is all very nice, and we have a great time together, we seem to be perfect for each other, however I have even opened my phone and shared all my contacts and deleted and blocked my ex-girlfriend including all pictures of her as requested. Her phone on the other hand is out of bounds, with finger authentication etc… What is more suspicious is when I looked at her phone bills her phone habits have changed since December. Before there are all sorts of numbers, now it is just mine and her kids and ex-husband.

So what is your advice?

Trust is a hard thing to get back

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How long have you been together may I ask?

She sounds like she has lots of issues. If she is accusing you of cheating due to issues in her previous relationship then she doesn't sound emotionally healthy enough to be in a new relationship. Her behaviour does give you cause for suspicion so I am not surprised you are concerned. You should be able to talk these things through rationally with her. As someone who has been cheated on herself, she should be more than willing to reassure you and allay any concerns you have. Cos someone who loves someone wants them to feel secure and happy and will do what it takes (reasonably) to make sure they are.

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