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Friendship turned intimate now it's a mess.....

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Relationship advice I met this guy last summer on line. He wanted to meet me in February, so we met and it was awesome! We laughed so much and had a wonderful time. 4 weeks later I traveled to his city on business and he came to my Airbnb. We ended up spending the night together and it was amazing. We both had so much fun and the next day he was to be going out of town with some guy friends. He was hoping I could stay an extra day but I couldn't. I had time for some site seeing but would be leaving by mid afternoon. We both expressed disappointment and it was hard to part.

Then he called me and told me the guys had some stuff come up and they weren't leaving town til later in the day. He wanted to know if we could hang out. I was so excited and started packing and preparing to meet up with him to go spend a few hours site seeing and having lunch.

As I was about to check out and go join him, he called me back. He said the guys changed their minds and he had to leave in an hour. He said we couldn't meet.

I was surprised,and asked him why he didn't tell them that he had made plans with me in the interim and would need to arrange a time to compromise with the 2 parties etc. He was clearly upset by my response and said "okay talk to u later" and hung up. Later he texted me and asked why we were in this bad place.

I said that he had made plans with me and then cancelled on me last minute because his friends decided to change their departure, and that when I tried to talk about it with him he simply hung up. He said this is why he doesn't want a relationship cause women try to control him, and he wants to be free to do what he wants to do, and I'm acting like a ball and chain.

I was kinda shocked by that really because this guy has always been sweet and nurturing in our friendship and the sex was absolutely wonderful. He was so tender and caring. This seems so unlike him and yet, it's what happened.

I want to know if I'm the one being rude to think he shouldn't have cancelled on me last minute without at least an effort to work it out. Or is he right, and I'm being too demanding and emotionally attached due to becoming intimate?

Friendship turned intimate now it's a mess.....

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No I don’t thinks it’s rude or demanding but it sounds like you were disappointed and annoyed by his plans being changed. You could of gone ‘oh well’ and shrugged it off and done some sight seeing on your own but like you say your reaction was probably because you got along well and had a good time after only just meeting. So you were on cloud 9.

To be fair to him, he might not of been able to help his friends’ departure times, and that was probably out of his control. He might of been frustrated about it too, because it sounds like his friends’ were changing their plans and being indecisive. This might of caused his reaction towards you. But maybe he could of waited till he knew for sure?

I do think you might of seen another side to him when he accused you of being controlling and him saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship. Then what does he want?

Wait to see if he makes contact with you again and be weary as it sounds like he might have issues.

Friendship turned intimate now it's a mess.....

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This guy's definition of a woman trying to control him and being a ball-and-chain:

Expecting normal, bog-standard GOOD MANNERS! (Good for you! Don't touch that dial!)

End of.

He's "shown his a*se". And in such a way that heavily indicates he was sweet and nice because he was after your bedroom goods. He'd have plumped for seconds. But not if it demanded any kind of effort or self-control on his part. When it became clear it would - he dumped you.

IMO, you've dodged a giant bullet.


Friendship turned intimate now it's a mess.....

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Agreed you have dodged a giant bullet, if the guy was into you then he would have done just like you say. Romance at the start is always good, and guys will say anything on the night .... get to know the guy before you commit .... So I say move on find someone better.

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