PeoplesProblems Logo

Need advice from a guy

Default profile image
Relationship advice just a few days ago, my city's emergency sirens started going off and didn't stop for a couple hours. my boyfriend woke me up and told me to ask someone why they were going off. i told him I didn't know who to ask and he immediately started yelling at me, i didnt argue back. i started to cry.

i kept telling him to please quit being so mean to me, but it didnt help. he just kept yelling, he said so many things that hurt me. he told me he wasnt sure if he loved me anymore, but then said it was because i was childish and he felt like a pedophile because i was acting like a child. i didnt do anything.

its been 3 days and he's acting like nothing happened but im still extremely hurt. i can't talk to him about it because if i bring it up now hes gonna get mad at me and tell me im living in the past.

i honestly dont know what to do. we've been together for 3 years, i know i love him, he still says he loves me but i can't get those words out of my head. he said he wasnt sure if he still loved me.... words like those scar you... they really hurt me, what hurts the most is i dont know if he said it out of anger or he meant it... either way, he still said it.

are there any men who can give me some feedback or advice, please. im hurting and i need help understanding this.

Need advice from a guy

Default profile image

Well I’m not a guy...but I don’t think you need another guy to tell you why he acts like he does or what you can do, because not every guy acts like your bf. If you confined you a friend, your parents, bro, sis a counsellor or us on this forum, you will most likely be told this treatment is not right. People will give different advise too but like you say you need to understand this. I’m guessing you’ve posted a thread because you know this isn’t right, and you feel like you need to open up about this right? Listen to your own instincts don’t ignore them, often they are right. :-)

If he is shouting at you over stupid, petty things like a siren going off in your city and he then expects you to find out why from other people and shout at you for what ever reason there is something very wrong going on here. If he really wanted to know he should make the effort to find out not expect you to do it for him. But maybe he just did it because he wanted to pick a fight with you anyway. Don’t you think he’s pretty childish for reacting like that? He clearly has anger problems.

It’s also not right is that he tell you he feels like a pedophile and it make him question and doubt the relationship. People grow and they mature and grow along with that and you don’t sound like you’re childish in the thread you’ve written

It’s not about living in the past he needs to learn that he can’t say things to you think expect you not to feel hurt or angry. Word like that certainly do scar you and they do eventually push you away from that person. You’re meant to be able to talk to you boyfriend when you unhappy about something and have a discussion about it. He’s the childish one not you.

It might be time to reconsider you relationship with this ‘man’ because he shouldn’t be hurting you in this way. I understand 3 years is a long time.

To help you more, Please go Google narcissistic personality disorder. NPD. And let us know what you think :-).

Need advice from a guy

Default profile image
Hi Brit

Here is a guys perspective. This isn't typical guy behaviour and can't be explained in that way.

Just based on what you have written it sounds a little abusive.

I also considered that in a panic or fear situation in the middle of the night people might react in strange ways, but even in that context this seems very intense and over the top.

He also said some really specific things. They couldn't come from nowhere, he must be thinking those things at times, this is just a situation where he vented it all.

In that way it might be a blessing to you, imagine if he continued to think those things without letting you know.

It's true that this isn't ok and seems that you know this.

My reaction in this situation would be he is not someone you should be with. Since to me that outburst sounds really excessive and a little abusive. But really you're the only person who can decide if he's right for you.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Need advice from a guy

Default profile image
I am a guy, and yes this is not typical behaviour and I believe he has other issues.
No guy would ask his girlfriend to check it out!!!
and to use a threatening tactic clearly shows he has issues.

Has he yelled at you before?

I would confront your BF about it and if you are not happy then I would suggest you move on.

Good luck.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?