Help with decision of relationship issue
Two years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn’t love him. He always said “I love you” but it wasn’t reciprocated. it hurt him. I didn’t want to lead him on. He initiated contact after. we remained friends. got together few months later. Reason: felt guilty.
During friendship, he said, “I’m always here for you. I still love you deeply. I’m waiting for us to be together again”. It hit hard. maybe I hadn’t given myself enough time to fall in love with him, maybe I rushed break.
3 people have said during our ‘2nd relationship,’ that they think he and another girl were dating because they always jokingly flirt. I understand we broken up and he thought we would never get together but I was confused & hurt hearing that, as it goes against him saying, “I hope we can be together again”. You would not flirt with someone else if your heart was set with one girl. I confronted him. he said flirting was a joke. He didn’t feel anything for her, it meant nothing. I took it. It didn’t change how hurt I felt, but there wasn’t anything else for him to say. I know I overreacted because we weren’t together, he can do whatever, jokingly flirt or not. But my heart hurt. Why did ppl think they dating? There was nothing physical between them. i was confused about the idea of him saying he still loved me through the time of our friendship but on the side, jokingly flirting with another.
I raise this issue, we argue. Its led us to where we are now.not together again. I don’t trust him. I tell him this, and this hurt him. he bursts into tears. More specifically, not trust him to do things behind my back. He might say he loves me, but could he still be jokingly flirting with someone else?
Although we “friends”, he doesn’t act like it with me. He always comes for a close front on hug. He holds me for about a minute- too long for friends. he always gives me a kiss-cheek, forehead or lips. And after fights, we have make-up sex, or just sex once a week . It’s bad. I have been told, “you two haven’t set the boundaries”.
I still feel very hurt he flirted with a girl two years ago, despite, I know, being broken up at the time. mainly because he said he loved me deeply through out it all. And also very hurt because three people have thought they were dating.
Coming to now, I’m just confused about this. I don’t want to lose him because he’s always been there for me . Should I cut ties because I can’t trust him or continue this ‘friendship’ with him, although having fights.
Broken up means just that - no control over the other person’s life.
What did you expect this man to do when you broke up with him? Sit on ice?
His mistake was professing a kind of loyalty to you. You misinterpreted that to mean he would put his life on hold for an unknown time.
You will drive this guy away if you keep up this attack on him.
This current relationship does not sound healthy anyway. Maybe the best thing to do is to let him go - completely and finally, before both of you wear each other down.
What did you do during that breakup time? Did you date or spend time with the opposite sex?
No I didn’t spend time with the opposite sex. I do agree with you when you say “ what did you expect him to do sit on ice”, no I didn’t expect that. I admitted in the post he can do whatever while we broken up.
But what I’m asking , is why did he say he still loved me that whole time and confess he wants to get back with me despite jokingly flirting with another girl at same time. Tell me that.
He let you know he had a special place in his heart for you.
But you rebuked him! Pushed him away.
Again - you have no right to monitor his life during that time. Your friends are cruel to tattle on him, reporting what they “think” went on.
HE has told you that whatever happened during that breakup was not important to him. Yet you hold it over his head and make it something its never was. Why? Harmless flirting? Really? That’s the best you got?
Perhaps being back together is not what you thought it would be - or you have allowed your friends to humiliate you with rumors. Or you are jealous of this girl because she caught his eye.
Whatever the source of this obsession, unless you can get thru this, let the guy go. He sounds miserable from all the badgering.
You either trust him or not. You either cherish what you have or not.