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I don’t know what to do?

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S-e-x advice I’ve been with my fiancé for 2 1/2 years and we’ve lived together for a year. We’re both in our early 50s. When we first started seeing each other, we had sex 2-3 times a week and we enjoyed experimenting. About a year after getting together, he told me I was his first. Since we’ve been living together the sex has gotten less and less frequent. We’ve discussed it and fought about it. He says he doesn’t have the drive that I do. He never initiates. He doesn’t like oral sex and doesn’t really like to kiss. I love him but I feel so sad that he doesn’t want me in the same way. It goes against everything I’ve ever known of men and sex. I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life like this.

I don’t know what to do?

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Though the act of sex is simple enough, I think it really is a complicated process with many aspects to it. It can make people feel great or terrible, and greatly impact your life.

Relationships are the same way, except for maybe the simple part. It can be really difficult to find a relationship when you'd like one, and when you have one it can be hard to accept your partner's shortcomings and make things work.

Your partner is in his fifties. Something you should take into consideration is that peoples' sex drives can diminish as they age. The men you dated when you were younger were probably younger than your partner, and that is why the sex was frequent. You're getting older, too - maybe your sex drive hasn't changed but you aren't as youthful as you once were.

You were your partner's first. There was an adrenaline rush as he was introduced to sexuality and a honeymoon phase of a new relationship to bolster the happiness. But now maybe his years are catching up to him.

This is the part where you either communicate and try to make compromises, accept that your partner doesn't check all of the boxes, or decide you need something more and begin the search for love all over again.

Just keep in mind that it's hard to find relationships. It can take years, and a lot of heartbreak. And, a lot of work. It's okay if you decide this person isn't for you, and it's best to decide that sooner rather than later so you aren't wasting each others' time. But decide if it's worth keeping and working at first.

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