Relationship advice: We were on a break kind of thing
I would greatly appreciate you oppinion on my situation. Not sure if I am totally in the wrong here or my girls’ reaction is unjust. Apologies for the long rant. I hope some of you want to lend you honest opinion..
I live in Europe and 2 years ago moved to another country fairly close by. Shortly after I started dating this nice and sweet girl who live in my home country. After about 9months of seeing eachother on Weekends my GF Said that she loved me. Never having said that to anyone, and putting quite some meaning behind it, I could not say it back at that time. I know now that this was mainly because it is, for some reason, difficult for me to acknowledge the depth of my emotions if the other person is very enfatuated with me.
After she said that she loved me I told her that I wanted to Come home to my hone country and her. Unfortunately it proved more difficult than expected to hunt for a job while living abroad.... and I was not comfortable leaving my job without having a new one lined up. This went on for 6-7months, Where our relationship got more and more fragile.
My sweet and caring GF would get (In my opinion) hypersensitive and read too much into sone things and get pissed. For instance she Said I was controlling her when I ‘decided’ that we walk 1km hone from a bar when she was very drunk and we Couldn’t get a cab.
Funnily (tragically) enough it became easier for me to grasp my emotions once hers cooled down and I was able to say that I loved her. However, she was/is clearly hurt that I did not come home for 6months, because she doesn’t feel I really tried and that I have led her on.
I could definitely have tried harder, though I feel the workload and some extra BS I had at work didn’t help. In any case I should definitely have come home earlier. 2 weeks ago I made the decision to come home, without having a job lined up, mainly because I knew I would loose my GF if I didn’t.
In the meanwhile my GF had asked for us to ‘go on a break’ til I got home - due to the fights we had recently had. I continuously said I didn’t want this, that I loved her and only wanted her. She still thought the best thing was to cool down before we could have some more time together on a regular basis.
She did not say anything specifically about what the break meant and I made it clear that I did not know what it meant and did not feel comfortable with it. Due to this, and me now being the only one saying that ‘I love’, drove me a bit crazy. I got concerned and downloaded happn (where we met) to see if her profile was still active. It was not.
Now one of my GFs friends have apparently seen me on tinder, while we were on this break. I have not been active and have not seen anyone other than my GF! The only explanation I can think of is that because I only deleted the app and not explicitly deleted the account my profil has still been in circulation. My GF asked me about this and I ofc denied it. I however noted that I had checked Happn (where we matched), but only to see if she had been online - and that I had not seen or even written to anybody.
This made my GF even madder as she says it says that I do not trust her when I check up on her this way. In my view, I was the one who wanted her and felt miserable because I did not know what this break was. Thus, I did What I did because I was feeling insecure and vulnerable. Definetly not the smartest move, but in my view it was a reaction to the situation of me feeling exposed and not knowing the ruled of a break. Thus, I of course told her this vulentarialy because I had Nothing to hidse.
My GF is now very ‘disappointed’. She does not believe that I’ve not been on tinder and that me checking up on her On happn proves that I dont trust her and thinks very little of her. I am not even sure I am in a relationship anymore.
What do you Think? Am I totally in the wrong here and it is unjust that she is soooo mad/dissappointed that I downloaded happn to see if she had beeen online?