Messed up friendship
I dont know where to start !
Let me start by simply stating the problem. I have a very messed up friendship with the guy who is my 'best friend'.
My friend ( i am gonna refer to him as peter since i am neal) and I are in the 4th semester of our college.
Peter used to excel in studies till high school but lost his way somewhere and he barely managed to pass the first semester in college. I am good at studies, so peter used to discuss his doubts with me. Thats when we started bonding and ultimately we became best of friends. We shared everything. And being gay, I kind of started having feelings for him, I told him I am gay and he said he was straight..denied my proposal but accepted me for who i am (We live in a homophobic area) and things got ugly in the middle but that is another story that i have already discussed.
So As i was saying, whenever there were exams approaching, I would guide him through every lecture and tutorial so that he could pass the semester. In the process, I sometimes got aggressive on him and scolded him for not paying attention.
In the second semester as well. He scored passing marks in some subjects but did exceptionally well in some courses. I was so proud of him.
I am a weird personality. I like to take control over things. So in the third semester, it became my duty to get him up on the weekdays so that he could attend the classes. The day i would not wake him up, He would miss the classes and kept on sleeping in his room. During our mid semester exams, he asked me to back off because he was becoming too much dependent on me and wanted to be responsible himself. I saw that as a good sign! But he scored very poor in the exams and got sad and came back to me and asked me to take care of the end sem exams so that he can score good. He said..he wanted to maintain a good gpa. He did really great on his end terms but things between us started getting messed up. I had to shout at him to make him study and he would not like it.
We just got over with our mid semester exams and things are bad ! I taught him during the exams and tried very hard but could not refrain myself from shouting at him. He is now very very upset with me although i am sure he will score good on the exams.
I dont know what is more important for him.. His grades or his ego?
I sometimes want to get away from his life and let him do things on his own. I want to eliminate myself from the equation but i am so hopelessly and desperately in love with him that i can't see him stressed or sad abt anything. He is an idiot. He does not realise what is at stake here. He would come to me on a random day and cry abt his grades and ask for my help. And when i do help him , it would hurt his ego.
I just want to get away from all this but i just don't know how !
It doesn't matter if he is straight. I love Peter and i am gonna keep loving him and think for his best only !
You had his best interest at heart but the was problem he became very reliant on you to help him get through the exams, when actually, he’s responsible for himself. No one else.
People can choose to help themselves and he did. He kinda bounced back when he told you he needed to do this on his own and he was right.
I understand it’s frustrating, more so when people are very capable at doing well academically but shouting doesn’t help that person and does nothing for their confidence and self esteem. Its their choice and sometimes people need to experience failure or make a bad choice so they can learn from it.
I think the best thing to do is advise him to get some counselling it might help him to look at why he lost his way and the reasons why to help him move forward and get motivated again.
Thank you so much LILY31.. That really helps !