Some days ago, I discovered an old animation I had done 5 years ago. It is very funny and charming. That boosted my confidence. I came to admire myself again. Back then, I didn't have a drawing tablet nor a good laptop, yet I had managed to do a small animation. It's ugly. No masterpiece at all. Nonetheless, it reminded me of the man I used to be. I was full of ideas and creativity. I was a leader. My dream was to start an animation studio. I don't know if it was the politics of University that got me too busy to focus on myself. Don't get me wrong! Politics is great. Fighting for the welfare of people is something I am really passionate about. However, I am a very introverted kid. I like to think and think, and sometimes politics doesn't let you think. Let me just say, that I have revived that dream. In fact, I am redoing that small animation. My aim is to get some donations from it. Eventually, I will be able to start that animation studio.
I have gotten myself into some art contests as well. I hope I will win them and get the cash prize. However, I don't think I will win it. I mean, I am an economist. There are graphic designers who have studied 4 years in college who are also participating. Of course, they will win. Nonetheless, I think contests are great. They push me to be a better artist. I especially liked this fast food contest. I drew a bunny eating a vegetarian pizza. It was very cute. My friends said that it was lovely.
I also revived the GO club I have in my faculty. It's not big. I like it nonetheless. I like playing Go. And I have this very cute pin I bought in Japan of 2 cats playing Go. I love suiting up and wearing it.
I also started working out. I hate excercise. I hate the repetition. So my workouts are very light. Still, it's something.
Not everything I have done is great. Some people recommended I should date other girls so that I start getting less attached to Girl H. So I did. I haven't cheated on girl H. I started dating every girl I knew. It wasn't that great to be honest. I did manage to improve my flirting skills. I was even doing cheesy flirting like James Bond! And it worked! ._.) Anyhow. Not all girls accepted going out with me. They thought I wanted a deep relationship and that's not what I wanted. However, it did hurt. Another thing I might add is that there was an incident one time.
I was flirting with a classmate. I don't think she is pretty nor attractive. She is extremely bubbly (trait that I dislike. However, I was in my dating spree. I didn't mind who I flirted with.) Once we were alone, she stared at me intensely. I didn't know how to react. Suddenly, she kissed me passionately and got her hand into my pants. After adrenalined debate inside of me, I pushed her away. I never expected this to happen now did I want it.
After this incident, I stopped flirting with every girl. I realized flirting had consequences. There were some girls who felt angry because I didn't ask them out for a second date. The atmosphere is pretty weird with some friends at Uni. Now, let me explain: I actually like this. I like not-being everyone's friend. This is what I used to be like before University. Once I got myself into Politics, I adopted the mentality that I needed everyone's friendship so they could vote for me if I ever decided to run for the student council. Anyhow, I am happy things are weird. I don't want to be everyone's friend. I have few friends, and I want to spend more time with them.
This brings me to the next event that happened. I study economics. However, unlike the mayority of economy students, I don't want to work at the national bank. It's a great place to work. The pay is great and you receive 16 salaries annually. However, what I am really interested in is Urbanism. In fact, I actually wanted to do a double-mayor: arquitecture-economics. I didn't do the double mayor because I got more involved with politics. Then I started a job...and blah blah blah. Anyhow, I got myself back in track. I like to attend to most of the events that the Arquitecture Faculty holds. A week ago, I went to a forum where some city governors from other countries spoke about city planning and ideology. I loved it. There, I met an PH.D. arquitect. He took a liking in me because of the questions I asked to the speakers. We developed a very unusual friendship.
One year ago, he lost his best friend. The arquitect says that I remind him of his best friend. Because of this, he treats me like his protegé. He pays for everything I do. We have gone to some events together. He likes discussing philosophy and urbanism with me. In fact, we have shared some very unusual and futuristic ideas about city planning. I say it is unsual because he pays for everything I do. I don't know exactly why to be honest. At first, I thought he was gay and he was hitting on me. But then, during a conversation, he stated that he wasn't interested in any sort of romantic or sexual relationship. I felt relieved. However, it is still unsual that he is basically financing my projects, ideas and hobbies.
He is of great help. In fact, with him, I am going to propose an city planning investigation to the Investigation Institute of my University. If the project is accepted, the University will hire me. The pay is great. I will have 15 salaries annually. And best of all, I will get to work on urbanism as an economist which will be the best for when I graduate. I will have work experience already! Overall, if this goes through, it will be the great. I don't think I will study architecture any time soon, but if I can get some knowledge in urbanism before I finish my economy degree, that will be great!
Oh, before I forget! I love biking (bicycle). I met a friend who was as adventurous as I am. Last week, I told him I wanted to explore the cities around our city on bike. He said yes. And we did it. The trip took one whole day and it was amazing and painful. You see, in order to go to the neighbouring cities, you have to go through very steep and high mountains (if you don't use the highway, which we didn't.) I destroyed my body during that trip. However, it was amazing. I learned a lot. I love going through those moutains filled with different kinds of trees. I wish I could show you the videos I took. My friend, he is better than me on the bike. I didn't feel competitive. I am happy I got to do this trip. I will do it again definitely!
Regarding girl H, I have stopped focusing on her as much as I used to. I was thinking about her 24/7. Now, I think about her maybe 1/4 of the day. In fact, I haven't talked to her in 2 days. Maybe it's not the best, but it's good. It's not painful anymore. I am not going to say everything is fine. There have been a couple of nights where I couldn't sleep because of how angry I was. I have learned to let go. When I pray, I ask God for patience for me to do what is best. I still ask God for my relationshp with girl H to start again. But I am not clingy anymore. If it doens't happen, it's fine. When I think of girl H, I tend to think of the negative aspecsts of her. I don't think it is good but that's what is happening. Of course, I want to get back with her. I want her love again. But...I am fine. I fine being with myself and working on myself.
By the way, all of the things that have happened, I have share with girl H. I haven't explicitly told her that I have gone on dates with other girls. I have posted pictures on my status where I am with other girls. Pictures she has seen. I didn't use to do this because she would get jealous. I do it now because I read in some book that when you are sorrounded by other people, people see you as worthy. The days before she decided to leave me for 1 month, I was very weak and vulnerable. She had lost admiration and respect for me. So, I guess it's fine if I post pictures like that.
So, to sum it all up: My chats with girl H have gone steady. I have kind of lost interest in chatting everyday with her. I am working more on myself. I still want my relationshp with her to revive. I am working on ways in which my art will get me the money necessary to pay for the plane tickets to go see her. So, what do you think I should do next? What thoughts do you have on how I am handlings things. Should I really talk to her everyday?