I split up with a guy 4 years ago now. I found out he was sleeping with other women and men and was confused over his bisexuality. I decided to leave the relationship, which ended me up in years of therapy as I was so in love with him. He often brought up marriage as we had basically planned our whole future plans together and he begged me back non stop for 2 years straight saying I was the only one who knew the ‘whole/real’ him and what a mistake he’d made due to trying to ‘explore’ himself. The whole thing broke me. I suggested he take more time figuring out how he wanted to live. He decided he didn’t want to come out and just wanted to be ‘normal’ (as he put it). Heartbreaking word in many was as I’m sure you can see. Total denial.
After a while he went quiet and I found out he was seeing another woman. As we were still on friendly terms I asked him what the situation was with her. He basically told me that he doesn’t cheat on her with women (progress apparently), only men, ‘but not often’ & it’s the best he can hope for as he is adamant he’s not gay and wants none of his friends and family finding out about his bedroom habits. He was constantly calling to tell me how unhappy he was in the relationship and now I am just through with giving him advice that he won’t take. I feel so sorry for this poor woman as she is none the wiser and it appears she may never be. I only found out myself after years of mind games, cover ups & thinking I was going mad & turning in to ‘Miss Marple.’ An awful time.
I feel terrible that someone else is wasting years of her life and also risking her health unbeknown to her. The last time I spoke to him he hung up on me after I expressed this to him & he’s blocked me out of the blue. In case I tell on him I’m assuming. It plays on my mind a lot. What would other people do? Forget it & let what happens to her happen? Or should I be doing something? It would be easy for him to rubbish any claims I make and I would never ‘out’ anybody! I feel so guilty holding all this in but at the same time it’s not my place to contact her. Advice please!..
Thanks in advance xx
Really - the guy’s got issues and is not afraid to rationalize and minimize his own behaviors.
Best to close the door on this one. And no need to feel as though you need to inform his new woman. She will find out soon enough.