Husband had a fling with work colleague... help
GIZMO - Apr 17 2019 at 21:43
Ok so my husband sat me down a few months ago and told me had been having a fling with a work colleague. We have been together for over 10 years and he said he felt like things were not working. He was open about it all and told me he thought he was falling for this other woman. After days of heartfelt talks we decided we wanted to give our marriage one last try and he broke things off with the other woman. (They never slept together but had shared several kisses and it was common knowledge in his workplace that they were having a fling.)
However the problem is that he still works with this woman and is still actively friends with her. She still goes to the social outings, to the pub with his other colleagues and they even text each other.
Am I wrong in feeling incredibley hurt by this? He has said if I am going to move on from his fling I must accept he has to work with her and they have the same social circle. I just can't help feeling like this is not right. He chose to be with me and our daughter but still gets to be friends and chat to her like nothing happened.
It hurts me knowing he considered leaving his family for her and is still in close contact with her and openly talks about her to me at home. The whole situation is very strange and odd and I don't know how to handle it or handle how I am feeling. Any advice would be very appreciated.
It's tough to answer this, but I do think this situation is kind of unfair to you. By the sounds of things you were even pretty understanding when you were talking this over with your husband. But now the problem is that knowledge is out there, that he feels this way about this woman or at least did and realizes it can't be. And they're still part of each others' lives.
Therein is where this situation gets messy, because your partner can be friends with whoever he chooses. He apparently was close to this woman, and maybe doesn't want to shove her completely out of his life forever because he has chosen not to be with her.
It is an incredibly complex circumstance. And I really wish I had better advice to give but for now the best thing I can tell you is to continue having those heartfelt conversations with your husband as you need to, and try to make sure you both understand where the other is coming from. After all, communication is important in any relationship.
If your husband still seems to be thinking of her in an overly-loving way, that isn't fair to you to have to deal with because he chose you over her. You deserve stability and love, and especially since you have really given him this second-chance at being together despite what happened. Maybe you can spend more time together, as a couple and as a family, and try to build things together. And if it really bothers you maybe you can talk to your husband about changing departments at work if they work directly together, or try to tag along on some of their social outings.
I hope this is helpful, and I hope others will offer some advice as well.
Thank you so much for the response your words of wisdom have been amazing and much appreciated. I will continue to talk with him about it and see where it takes us although he says that I need to let it go as he chose me and I shouldn't feel threatened or jealous and if I do I obviously haven't dealt with it and our relationship won't work then.
Thanks so much for the response and kind words. You have no idea how much that has helped.