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Really stressed

Posted by
BASSETT
on Apr 21 2019 at 20:04
Member since: 21 April 2019
Emotional advice Iam 55 black male and married to my Irish wife for 20 years when i met my wife i had a daughter from a previous relationship and my wife already have a boy and girl. at the start our relationship was very rocky i was working full time and my wife stays home and look after the kids my up bringing without mother or father was miserable one father turns up in my life when i was 14 and he makes my life hell as a big bully i always wondered why he hate so much i turn to alcohol from a young age trying to hide my sorrows the children has all left home now it did take me a while to get over my daughter meeting someone and leaving home as she was always my little princess. now lets get to the point the area that i live is not mixed i am the only dark person around and all my nephews neices and sisters are same as me one neighbor in my street gets racist when my family come to visit i have always felt the left out one and when this happens i ended up going on an alcohol blowout and ended up cursing and fighting the whole street maybe it was not the right way to go about it but i could not hide my feelings now i feel guilty no body get hurt but could have i now love my wife even more than the day i met her.
Really stressed
Reply from
ALTREAL
on Apr 26 2019 at 11:59
Member since: 20 August 2015
I'm sorry for the situations you have had to deal with in your neighborhood. It's unfortunate, racism and subconscious racial stereotyping happen and for many people it's just easier to generalize or develop thinking-errors than to realize that things are complex and involve numerous factors, many of which they fail to take into consideration. I hate to say it, but sometimes the best thing you can do is try to ignore or let go of quips and thoughtless behaviors when they occur and remove yourself from the situation as best you can, rather than cause a scene.

Dating and marrying and, heck, associating across races can still be difficult at times to this day. Even if you live in fairly diverse place, you can still experience a lot of these problems. And I think it can also be scary because to some degree any of us are capable of making these generalizations or assumptions without really sitting down and thinking about them. And some people convince themselves of one reason because the truth isn't as neat or easy to understand or believe, or because their environment convinces them of something.

It's hard enough working out differences with your partner as it is, and these outside forces weighing in with their own judgments just makes it so much more tough.

But at the same time, you love this woman. You made the choice to be part of one another's lives despite your differences, and to try to make things work. And maybe it's worth putting up with these problems and finding a way to shrug them off or deflect them for her and your family.

You know, you're under some pressure. Your baby girl grew up and left, and you miss her. You worked full time to support your family, and it feels like all of that work should have gotten you something more peaceful than this. Your parents were out of the picture from a young age, and the father who did turn up was a nightmare. You feel kind of different from everyone else and that bothers you. There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks and trying to loosen up if that helps take the edge off! But getting angry drunk and going fighting-round-the-block isn't going to make things better.

Try to let go of the past as much as you can, and work towards building a future free of that pain. You may not be able to fix everyone else's perceptions, but you can focus on improving your own mindset, and removing the negativity from your life that still holds you back.

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