I got to know this girl almost a year ago because we had to work on the same project. Soon we got pretty close and used to share many details of our personal life. I really really enjoyed spending time with her. She was really fun and we had so much in common. Since we became good friends, she started telling me about problems in her life. I was always there to listen to her complain all day when none of her friends were there for her. I would write long messages to help her out and she appreciated a lot. A lot of her problems were those which I really related to because of my past so I wanted to help her out. All was going pretty great. We had become very close.
Then during vacations we kept in touch. Didn't talk much but were quite in touch. Then after college started again, she used to barely talk to me. By this time I had started liking her. I was too afraid to tell her because of many past rejections I have had. Anyways, she would only talk to me when she had any work. It was a bummer. So I spoke to her a few times about it. I told her she was talking to me only when there was work. First time she said sorry and told she will try to change and later on didn't even agree. So since the last 5 months or so we have barely spoken. I was too mad at her so used to ignore her in class, only talk when needed. Pretty much how she behaved. All this time it really hurt me. I know I cared so much about her and I knew I was such a great friend to her. It really hurts to see her talk to everyone in class. She is happy all the time and I was getting depressed because I wasn't with her. She had become friends with so many more people and all them got to spend so much more time with her. It really hurt and I was super jealous. When we were talking about work, she would remain so quiet with me and then when one of her friends would come she would rush to them all energetic and happy and laughing. I felt as if I wasn't good enough for her as a friend. I felt like I was boring for her.
Most of the times, I have thought it was completely her fault. She never even cared to ask me If everything was okay. But I believe I might have been expecting too much from her. It has happened with me before that when I start liking someone, I pour all my heart and then expect the same from the opposite person. Obviously they don't reciprocate and I get really depressed. It has happened a few times with so I don't trust myself. I have a tendency to tell girls quickly that I like them, so this time I didn't tell her (but guess she knows by my actions). I stopped myself from confessing my feelings. I even tried to not give much attention to her to not come off as needy or anything. I have been super needy in the past so I was trying to avoid all of it. I don't know where I went wrong. I don't know if it's her mistake or mine. It's very confusing.
Last time we talked about her not talking to me, she wanted me to forget the entire thing and go back to normal. I told her no and told I wanted a reason why she was behaving in that manner. Then later I told her I wanted to forget the entire thing and when I was saying she didn't even seem interested. The very next day she acted again in the same manner, talking only about work, going to her friends and enjoying every bit and barely talking when with me. Again I felt shitty and useless in her life.
I don't know how we went from being such close friends to people who barely talk. I don't know if she even wants me as a friend. I still have feelings for her (for some reason I don't know). I just want things to be normal.
What should I do ?
You don't want things to be normal.
You wouldn't be happy with things being normal.
There are 3 basic elements necessary for two people to get together
Attraction comfort and seduction
Being stuck in the friendzone means you do not attract her and are not attracting as well as you don't seduce her or let /make her seduce you.
Now also the comfort goes away because she is aware of you being uncomfortable.
What do you really want?