Should I express my feelings?
Almost 10 months ago I got to know this girl and we came really really close as friends. We used to enjoy each other companies. Told each other almost every important things. I used to help her with her emotional problems. I used to write her long messages giving her advice and being there for her even when her friends weren't there. I started to have feelings for her and to this day I still have. But i decided not to show them .I decided not to express even a bit to her that I thought of her more than a good friend. Due to past, I was really skeptical of showing any hints. I had been hurt so much before that I did not want to express it.
Anyways after college break, we didn't talk much. She was being really mean. Would only talk when there was some work. I talked to her about this around 4 times in last month. I told her she was being mean. She said she would try to change when I told about it the first time. Later she denied being mean.
The problem is I have been cold to her too. Not wanting to express my feelings, I haven't given much importance to her in life. I used to act like that. In reality, I still really loved her. I just haven't been myself. In order to avoid being the past version of me, I stopped being me completely. The only time I expressed something was when I told her she was being mean and that was hurting. And then the very next day, I would start being cold to her. Idk why I acted like this.
But now I am tired of being that person. I want to be me again. I want to tell her how I feel about her.
My reasons not to tell:
1. We don't even talk anymore, directly going and talking about feelings will be weird.
2. She has still been mean to me. She never even took the effort to ask me if everything was alright.
3. She does not have any feelings for me. I know that.
4. I have to spend another year with her doing a project and a rejection will be super awkward.
5. I might end up being really needy
My reason to tell::
1. I still over her
2. I should have told a long back ago.
3. I want to get this out of my chest.
4. If she had any feeling, it would be the best day of my life.
5. If everything is clear then I can start being me.
Should I tell her ?
This project will give you another opportunity to see if you two have anything to work on - besides friendship, even as shaky as it was.
After 10 months and no action on your part to move the relationship to another level, you are going to have to start over. Now you have time and opportunity.
Decide to make this a fresh start - and tell her that you would like to do that. But be prepared that she may have gone with her life.