I am very confused about something that happened recently in my relationship. I would appreciate any advice that any of you can give me. Thanks.
So, I have been in a relationship on and off with my boyfriend for 4 years. Recently we had an argument as there have been issues for a while as we don’t spend a lot of time together (he works nights and we don’t live together) which doesn’t help. The argument was pretty bad and out of nowhere he starts sobbing saying he’s sick of arguing and scared I’m going to leave him. I comfort him and told him I wouldn’t leave him ok and he said good and stops crying.
Fast forward a week. He came over the other night as a surprise saying work doesn’t need him tonight and he wanted to see me. I was surprised as wasn’t expecting him, however, was happy to see him. Once in my flat, I told him I needed to get in the shower as had been working earlier and was sweaty. He then asked if he could join me and I said no. He knows I don’t like it and has always respected this in the past. I then got in the shower and closed the door fully. After 5 mins he walked in the bathroom naked and just got in the shower with me. I told him to get out, but he started kissing me and ignored what I said. I didn’t say anything more and just went along with it.
After us both getting out of the shower we got in bed, we started to make out and had sex (me on top) and he came. After lying down cuddling for a bit he suddenly starts tickling me really hard and when I said stop it and was trying to push him off cause it hurt. He just started to laugh at me and carried on. Next thing he gets on top of me and forces my legs open and I ask him what he’s doing and then say no, as we’ve just had sex. He just said no (in a daft voice) and then pushes inside of me and then he starts tickling me again really hard. I ask him to stop again and he said what “The tickling or sex”. I said the tickling (not the sex) and he stops. He then while still inside me said “I love you ok” and then proceeds to pin one of my hands down and puts his other hand around my throat and starts having sex with me really hard. I didn’t say no but cried out a few times in bed and he started to do it harder. After. He got off me and said, “You didn’t want that did you, I could tell you wasn’t in the mood”. I said no as I was tired from work and we had just had sex. He then said, “You know why I tickle you”? I said no and he replied, “Because I’m the man and I can”.
I am confused about this incident as we have only ever had gentle sex in the past and he has always stopped when I have told him not to do things. I am not sure if my feelings are over the top or even if what he did was that bad. I would really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thanks.
Funny to see you here too.
As I said you should either talk to him and ask what happend and see if this was a one time thing and if you can live with his explanation. But don't forget when a person does not respect your boundaries and does not understand "no" in these private situations he does not have any respect for you. And this could get out of hand big time, very fast. So if I were you I would seriously reconsider if this is what you want in your life. Now it is this, next time it can be twice as bad