Married and giving up
I've been married for ten years. My husband is controlling and constantly accuses me of cheating. Every time we have a problem he threatens divorce. Nothing I do is ever good enough. We have four kids. I'm trying to decide if divorce is the best solution.I'm tired of being the only fighting for my marriage.
Have you discussed this with him?
Are you sure that it is not him who cheats?
What keeps you from honestly talking about how you feel and how you can solve the problems each of you have?
Sorry for not replying immediately. I have talked to him about how his accusations hurt me. We are Christians and my husband believes that as the head of our home he is the boss and must have the final say. He believes I should not have any contact or be friendly to other men. If any man, whether at church or work acts friendly towards me, he gets angry and accuses me of having an affair with him. When I try to talk about it, the blame always falls on me. He wants to control everything I do, how I dress, who my friends are, even how I talk. If my opinions differ from him he argues until I relent and agree with him for the sake of peace. If I refuse to do what he wants he tells me that our perception of marriage is different so we're better off divorcing. Once he suggests divorce I submit and do want he wants and he's happy. I've spent years doing only what he wants and pleasing him at the cost of my own happiness. Our church does not allow divorce except for adultery and so I'm stuck in an unhappy marriage and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to be the best wife I can be hoping he'll change and meet me halfway but so far its always me putting in effort and doing what he wants.
Do you like to believe in a Christianity which leads to blackmail instead of empowering loving and caring for each other (which is what Christianity is all about, at least for me)?
What are your optiins?
What could you do to change your situation?