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Is him moving in worth the risk?

Posted by
ESCAPE
on May 23 2019 at 20:33
Member since: 26 March 2018
Relationship advice My boyfriend and I have been together for several years but we've know each other for decades including our families. We got together when we were single. I know he is generally a good man and very family oriented.

He wants to live with me in my home and get out of his rental. One side of me would like that since I do desire the companionship and feel lonely in the house sometimes. It would also move our relationship forward.

He has offered to pay me a certain amount (far less than 1/2 of the house expenses) and put a few hundred more in savings for "us" to use for vacations or house repairs, etc. He makes substantially less than me. I have several concerns: (A) I know he lives paycheck to paycheck so what happens if he "runs short" even if his expenses would be less living with me; (B) how do I control the "shared account"? Whose $ is that?; and (C) can I rely on him to pay me what he promises given that I know there are things that come up which require $ like new clothes, insurance costs go up, etc.?

He said it's a win/win for him to move in b/c I'll have extra $ to spend for hh expenses but the amount he is talking about isn't going to make a difference, with a due respect and when he told me the amount he said "it's like getting a windfall of $XX because no taxes are taken out". In other words, he made it seem like a lot more than what it is.

He has historically been terrible at $ management but has greatly improved and I would say he makes ends meet but isn't setting the world on fire. He has in the past promised to save more $ but he hasn't - he is still saving the same amount as last Summer primarily b/c he doesn't make that much in light of his regular expenses and recently only got a modest raise.

I don't want him to move in if I will be carrying the load relatively and I know once he moves in it will be very hard to get him out.

Does anyone have advice on this type of situation?

Is him moving in worth the risk?
Reply from
HOOO!
on May 24 2019 at 11:53
Member since: 24 May 2019
Just to make me understand correctly:

You want to take a decision that you feel is not fair, cannot be changed and gives you no control concerning the outcome?

The possible benefit is moving the relationship forward? <-- I don't understand what you mean by this exactly

As well as not being alone so often.

Concerning the not being alone: are there other possibilities for you to spend more time with each other without making it a permanent decision?

Concerning the money: if you want to safe for trips then each of you can do it. Maybe it would also help his money management problem if he took part in a reasonable way concerning the bills?

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