I met many people during the trip but one girl in particular I started to have strong feelings for. I didn't bother to stay in touch because we live in different countries and the possibility of a relationship (I don't want another ldr) is slim.
Now that I'm home, the come down from being on holiday, missing the travelling, the friends I made and the feeling of missing this girl are all tied together to make a knot in my chest.
My question is how can I find this person on any kind of social media with only a first name?
I don't want to message her or even get in contact in any way. I just feel that if I could see her face again it might make the tightness in my chest go away for a while.
Open to any suggestions at all.
No doubt you can with a first name.
What do you think you’d gain from seeing a photo of her anyway? I don’t think it would bring up good feelings.
You put you recently broke up with your ex. You went off on holiday, had fun, and that distracted you for how ever long. Now you back in normal everyday life, single and needing to get over ex Gf.
You also put you didn’t want another long distant relationship so listen to yourself .
Take time to be by yourself (it’s actually quite nice).
You are right. I guess now that you prompted me to really question myself. What I was hoping to gain was for the distraction to continue.
I mentioned to you in a different thread that I had noticed red flags in my ex girlfriends behaviour and she did indeed hurt me in some pretty unspeakable ways . I am grieving and getting over the loss of the woman I thought she was, while the woman that she really is has been wanting to try and make amends. She has plans to come and visit to make up for skipping out on the trip.
This grey blur of a situation is pretty tough for my little black and white thinking brain to wrap it's self around.
Again you're right. But I think the real issue is not so much that I struggle being alone. It's much more that I feel an intense sense of disquiet in life when I find that there are absolutely no women around that I want. I have been lucky to avoid this for long enough that I actually forgot it was an issue that I have but...
1: Is it even an issue that can be fixed? Or does everyone feel that to some extent?
2: how to fix it?
Oh yeah I remember! You had noticed red flags with gf and there was the possibility she might be a Narcissist (or not, I wasn't sure, would need to know more if you willing to share ). No expert, I’ve just been through this twice.
When you say can the issue be fixed, do you mean you want to make up with her?
IF she is a narc they don’t change. They can be very sweet when they want something. And that’s the hardest bit to get that firmly in your mind and not to fool for their tricks, which is why it takes a lot of attempts to leave someone like this. You go back and fourth making excuses for them, thinking about forgiving them, but you just get hurt again.
Yeah I’d say a lot of people in a toxic relationships when they start to question their gf or bf (or whoever’s behaviour) feel like this. I certainly did.
So if she comes to visit, would you make your self available?
The way to help your self is to read as much as you can and just see if she ticks the traits think I advised you that last time. Do the grieving bit (painful, uncomfortable but necessary) and like you did on hol have fun, see friends and don’t look for other relationships yet.
But having read a little about narcissistic personality disorder now she definitely does display most of the traits. Particularly of a subtype called the fragile narcissist. Which uses grandiosity and self importance to compensate for insecurity and low self esteem.
She does lack empathy too, which seems to be one of the main indicators of NDP. But she is not totally devoid of it. In that she is aware when she is doing something wrong by another person, but will make excuses for herself to minimize her guilt and keep up her self image of being "perfect".
Having said that, I and many people I know have at one time or other displayed a few of the traits involved in NDP so I don't feel ready to make a definite assessment just yet.
As for making myself available. I should mention that she was apologetic for not meeting on holidays and offered to pay for my flight. But till, I definitely feel it's her turn to make the majority of the effort.
I may pick her up from the airport in my capital city if it happens to be on one of my days off work. And she can stay at my place as long as she wants.
But I won't be taking any extra time off work or spending too much money to be extra available.
I understand why you say don't look for another relationship just yet. You're worried it will be a rebound. But I disagree. I do still have feelings for my ex/psuedo ex girlfriend and she has feelings for me. But I found out on holiday that I am ready to fall for someone new.