Before I present my question, a bit of background is necessary. A few months ago, my partner and I more or less split up. She told me to leave her house and find a place of my own. I am no young fellow, by the way. I am 55 and she is 55. I have had problems in my life with addictions, mostly alcohol, but lots of other substances have passed my way, too. I have now been in my own flat for three months. We still get along really well. We hug and kiss when we see each other, but the relationship is very much platonic. We talk every day and I see her a couple of times a week, at the least. I also suffer from borderline personality disorder, which is in a calm place at the moment, most likely due to not being involved with alcohol or drugs.
Yesterday, we had a more serious discussion about our possible future. The main thing for me was that she said, "If we were to become romantic again, you would have to be 'sober' (I prefer addiction free to that pejorative word) for at least a year."
I have been addiction free for over two months now. I am not sure how I feel about that diktat from her. Is it fair? Should I really wait for another ten months to see if she will "take me back"? We had a very good relationship, but now that we are apart and I am clear-headed, I start to see characteristics of her's that quite annoy me. I am not afraid of seeking out a new relationship, for I am well-experienced with that! I have had three wives before her. I am curious what others think. Wait or seek someone new. Oh, and it is important to know that I truly detest being alone.
Thank you so much.
So despite you being a drink and addictive person you have found a woman that still wants to be with you, even after all you have done and after all the drama that you will have passed on to the relationship, caused by your behavior and addiction
And now you think it is unfair that she wants you to be addiction free?
You think it is unfair that she makes demands for herself?
What is it to you? If you plan on being addiction free for the rest of your life, what do 10 months mean to you?
I don't see the problem
And quite frankly I think the problem is not her waiting for you to become the man you need to be. The problem is you being selfish.
Stop being selfish, start seeing HER emotions behind all this. Start understanding her and start giving her what she needs. Start being the person whom she needs
Sorry for being so blunt.