My daughter doesn't like my boyfriend and he is aware of it. I tried getting them together last year and it ended badly. He is very nice guy but she doesn't trust him because she thinks he is out for my money - he doesn't have much (and I do have a very comfortable home and bank account, etc.) and he did get in serious financial trouble with his business many years ago. He does pay his bills but doesn't have much to save each month so he only has a modest nest egg (and most of that was a gift).
For us to live together and tell my daughter to "stick it", I need to be really comfortable b/c I don't want to support him and we are both nearing retirement age.
He thinks I want him to move in and maybe marry him but my daughter is the only problem. I've told him in the past that while I really love him, I must feel he is totally financially independent before moving in and he says he is now. I disagree - he makes enough to pay his regular bills and save a little each month - he wants to pay me to share the house which is less than his current rent and then put away the difference he would have spend on rent in an account for "us" but I don't trust him to do that; I just feel he will somehow come up short.
He gave me a really hard time last night and got angry saying "no man would stand for this" in terms of hiding our relationship. He told me he feels bad for me b/c he sees the stress I'm under trying to hide my relationship with him from my daughter. What he doesn't know is that my main hangup is him, not her.
He suggested I tell my daughter that I need extra income each month and he is offering to share the household expenses (even though the amount offered is only about 20% of the actual expenses) or tell her I don't like her boyfriend and don't wish to spend time with him (to give her back some of her "medicine").
Is this real love or a desperate attempt by him to live in my home?
I realize I must be honest and tell him all I feel so he understands but I'm so torn.