Issues communicating with my husband
SUNFLOWER519 - Jun 3 2019 at 07:56
My husband gets really angry with me. I have a hard time communicating with him. He says I’m always interrupting him when we get into conversations especially when heated.
I know maybe I do but I know it’s natural habit especially when arguing. He goes to extreme lengths to elaborate that I interrupted him. Sometimes I don’t even speak it’s just a eye roll or a head nod because I’m trying so hard not to speak because I disagree with what he’s saying. He’ll go on like “you don’t let me say what I want to say, you don’t let me answer your questions, you just ramble on.
When I ramble on it’s more like talking like “what should I do? Should I do this... then this and this” you know how we get anxious when your thinking and letting things out. I don’t know how to communicate maybe ? I’m not sure. He interrupts me too but every time I tell him he justifies i every single time.
I’m thinking maybe it’s a pet peeve now ? It’s like he doesn’t understand I want to ramble a bit and get stuff off my chest and then hear him out. He tells me it’s unfair. He says I can’t do that. He’s my husband and I have no one else to talk to about my stresses and problems I’m having.
It took me courage to go to him today and talk about a feeling I’m having about a certain person watching our kids and was wondering maybe I’m over reacting. He didn’t even let me explain. I accidentally said “am I over reacting?as a statement. After I said it I rambled on about it becusse I wasn’t finished saying what I needed to. He was yelling st me saying “your not letting me answer your question” and he’s interrupting me. I’m just having a hard time communicating. I’m anxious and have a lot on my chest and I feel like he doesn’t want to hear it. He’s so focused on the fact I said a question when I was rambling on. Yes I should’ve calmed down but I get anxious. He yells at me and belittles me saying I don’t want to hear what he has to say and all I care about is me and my thoughts. It’s gets crazy. Tonight he kept yelling at me “F*ck y**”. Then he was saying I’m a “bi**h”.
I’ve beem with him since I was 14. My only guy. He never used to call me names and say things like that. Ever. Now I accidentally interrupt him and hell breaks loose. I went to him for a shoulder, a support but came out with absolutely nothing. I almost want a divorce but that’s another issue. :(
How do I communicate? Is interrupting really that bad ? Is it a habit ? I don’t mean to “not want to hear him” I really do. He doesn’t let me explain my self and he doesn’t let me get things off my chest by just kinda rambling. How else do I get things off my chest ?! Feeling lost here.
Sounds like you’ve both got into a negative habit of interrupting one another . There’s is no listening, no reassurance, no positive out come or feeling better or happier. instead your both angry and frustrated with each other. Maybe you feel unhappy and wanting a divorce... not a very positive mind set...but it sounds like there’s more to this. So I’ll let you expand on that if you want to.
Lots of people interrupt one another, when they feel like they’ve not been heard or they really disagree with what’s being said. Some people will tolerate it others don’t as they might think it’s rude.
Reading through your post it sounds like your almost nervous about going to your husband with a worry and that shouldn’t be be case. Does he listen to you or is he instantly dismissive? You are allowed to express yourself and say what’s on your mind and if your an anxious person it sounds like you need some reassurance or his opinion.
Interrupting is not a great thing I think it can escalate a discussion into an argument. But it can be fixed by you both being more self aware and maybe implement a rule of no interrupting when one of you is talking. One of you talks first then the other. Maybe even couple counselling would help you both to communicate better.
I don’t like the fact that he belittles you, calls you names and shouts at you (not cool) that all lowers self confidence and self esteem. Maybe that should be another rule!
Maybe he can’t take on all your worries (unless is it to do with your kids or something similar) possibly because he might some of his own. Self help is always good. There’s counselling. Forums like this one, are really good. writing things down is a really good. We don’t mind ‘ramblers’ :-)
I don't know why, but my gut reaction while reading this was that he might be stressed and angry about something else going on in his life.
Is that a possibility you've considered?
Could you just ask him "what are you really angry about?". Would he open up if that is the case? Or would that just make him fly off the handle even more?