Falling for someone who isn't ready
JOE0062 - Jun 7 2019 at 11:49
I'll try and keep this as concise as possible. About 9 months ago I met a woman called Victoria. We met on a dating app as people do these days and although I really wasn't looking for anything serious and just saw our date as a bit of fun, we really hit it off. I had never met anyone so open and honest and brave, we talked about deeply personal things but we also just had a lot of fun. There was a tonne of chemistry. We went on a few more dates until Victoria went through some considerable hurt, the intimacy between us gradually dropped off and she told me she wasn't ready for anything serious, she couldn't even think about being in a relationship with anyone and that she wants to be single.
Victoria and I stayed in contact and my feelings for her stayed the same, I knew why she had to go it alone and get her life together. We've become closer and closer friends since then and our friendship might be stronger than ever right now. The only problem is I still hope for more in the future. I've been honest to her about my feelings but also that I want her to have this time she needs to work on herself and find her emotional independence and love herself. Victoria has so much emotional depth and supports me in my own struggles and I truly value her as a friend, probably my best friend but I'm an introverted person and naturally an intimate relationship is highly important to me. It's hard and frustrating to not fully express myself to her but I think I do a good job of maintaining a close friendship. I'm not able to change my feelings for her and although she's told me not to wait and I've tried to date I just don't feel interested. She's truly one of a kind.
If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice I'd really appreciate it.
It’s good that she knew she wasn’t ready for a relationship after she went through some hurt. Its never a good thing to go into a relationship, she probably wouldn’t be her self and need some time to herself. she was honest and told you :-) and didn’t lead you on.
She clearly feels comfortable enough to open to you about what she’s been through and her past. And you too.
At the moment she’s made it clear you can only be friends she probably doesn’t want to promise anything, which is why she told you not to wait. Continue to be a good friend and listen to her if she opens up.
You could wait for her to be ready for a relationship but she still might not want anything thing to happen in a year or years to come. That’s something you might have to accept.
Thank you :)
You do not see her as the person she is
When you think about her and imagine about her and your future you are imagining yourself with a person who looks talks and smeels like her
But who's character and thoughts and emotions are not real
The imagine in your head that you hold so dear and is so perfect and important to you is nice
But it is not her
And it is not reality