I‘m not a priority to my boyfriend anymore
Sorry for this long post but I am really confused.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. In the last couple of months I don‘t see any initiative from his side to do something with me more than watching movies at his place and having a walk around the neighbourhood and the city (except for my birthday when we went on a holiday). He has a really deep connection with his mother and almost every single day he does something with her (he lives with her and is raised mostly by her - she is a divorced single mother and he is her only child). She often calls him when we are together. When we are in the neighbourhood she asks if we can come and get her from her job. I feel bad for having to reject her cause I know that my boyfriend won’t like this.
All these issues related to his mother and her interrupting our personal space makes me feel as if I’m not a priority for him anymore. I’ve talked to him about that and he says that he is not into planning and that if I want to do something I should be the one taking the initiative but this makes me feel like I‘m the man in this relationship. He also said that he will continue going to holidays with his mother because he gladly does it (all of his expenses are covered by his mother) and he feels like all his mothers girlfriends as best friends. He also said that if I have an issue with this company he should just go by himself and I should do something on my own. I‘m not against him going on trips with his mom but I would really appreciate if he would like to do the same things with me as a couple.
The last thing happened is he went on a trip by the sea with his mother and her friends. He asked me if I want to come with them but I refused (because of my experience with lack of personal space) and told him that it would be better if we think about going on a holiday trip just the two of us and/or our friends (then he started making excuses that his job is important for him and doesn’t know if he’ll be able to go to a holiday with me soon). He went with his mother by the sea, then went clubbing with friends he has at the city (but almost every time I propose to go to a night club with him he doesn’t like the offer and refuses (he has to do something early the other day or doesn’t have money - which is not a problem anymore because he started working).
Even after he started working he‘s not showing any interest on going out with me - going to the mountains, other outdoor funny activities, cinema, theatre, restaurant, bar, night club...nothing. I haven’t received a single flower in more than three months. He also plays video games, sometimes he spends the whole day doing this. We haven’t had sex in a month because he rejects me and tells me he has a personal psychological issue which has nothing to do with me but he doesn‘t want to tell me any details of it so I can be helpful. He wants to deal with this alone but the lack of sex makes me feel really anxious and unwanted by him.
All these issues I talked to you guys about above break my heart in peaces. I’ve already talked to him about all of them with him but it seems that nothing changes and I actually think he doesn’t want to do something to make me feel better. He seems alright with the situation. I have no idea what to do. I love him but after thinking about these issues I often find myself crying, broken and unable to sleep. I feel as if I’m getting only the crumbs of his time... I feel unwanted, rejected and sad. I’m not the cheerful and smiling person i used to be. I’m just pretending... What should I do? Please help me. I would really appreciate your responses.
It’s ok to have a good relationship with parents but it sounds like this is a particularly close one... maybe there are reasons for this if it’s always been just them. she could be quite controlling or demanding too? And it sounds like he can’t say no to her. He’s convinced himself this is a normal mum son relationship and no one is going to change his mind. It’s not. I agree you will always be second best.
Yeah, If all his expenses are paid to go on holiday with her of course he’ll go.
I don’t think he’s there with you emotionally anymore (sorry) and he is quite clearly showing you. I think it’s become more of a friendship, do you agree? He’s not treating you like a gf. It’s becoming more and more clear with the less he wants to do and the more time he spends on his xbox ( ugh, my ex bf did this too all the time, really annoying and rude!). he doesn’t want to properly admit it. Just like he doesn't want to say no to his mum.
If think if you know you are not happy anymore, not sleeping, constantly thinking about this and you know you are just pretending all the time, then that really does say something and something needs to change. It’s because you self esteem has taken a battering and you don’t feel wanted by him. I’d consider moving on coz you don’t want to be feeling like this in x amount of years time. You need to recover from this, get your self esteem back and then move on. Easier said then done but I think you will look back and see a difference. :-)