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Tired of being 6th best

Posted by
DESPAIRED
on Jun 9 2019 at 23:12
Member since: 09 June 2019
Relationship advice I have been married for 20 years and have 3 teens. Whatever I do its never good for my husband.....i work 5 days a week and do all household chores....He has not had a job in 16 years and he is 52......I pay all the bills and he paid the house cash......i used to give him 1000$ a month plus pay everything else but stopped paying hum that bcs food budget exploded....now he wants me to give him my tax refund.....bcs I stopped paying him 12000$ a year....he doesnt give me access to a car.....cant afford one with 35000$ salary.....
Tired of being 6th best
Reply from
SILVARION
on Jun 14 2019 at 15:52
Member since: 28 June 2017
Hello DESPAIRED,

That doesn't sound fair at all.

You deserve better.

Tell him to go get a job. He needs to. Whatever will do. Security guard at a mall. Call center operator or whatever.

It doesn't make sense that you give it all and he demands even more from you.

Good luck!

Tired of being 6th best
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jun 17 2019 at 00:06
Member since: 27 December 2013
Why is it that he’s not working? Does he think paying for the house is contribution enough? How did you raise three kids?

After 20 years, it’s going to be difficult to get him motivated. You need a financial consultant AND a marriage counselor.

Tired of being 6th best
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Jun 19 2019 at 00:27
Member since: 19 August 2014
DESPAIRED,

You poor woman. Despair no more (and note the links at the bottom): https://www.kennethreitz.org/essays/purging-the-unexpected-negative-a-narcissistic-partner

...I heavily [understatement!] suspect.

"Predator-Parasite", type pathological. Different types of "Cluster B mental condition/illness" but all with severely unhealthy degrees of Narcissism. One of the (many) biggest hallmarks being, financially exploits/drains (to secretly get rich at your expense as will as bring you down a peg or 10), or downright steals, from his (or her - c. 25% are female) own loved-one(s)). The other is lack of Empathy (cold heart), Superiority Complex (all soft-hearted people are stupid suckers who *deserve* to get used and bullied), and lack of Conscience...no shame or remorse (or keep blaming you for their bad attitudes and behaviour to avoid such)".

To all intents and purposes, incurable. Sorry :-(

Bad for children to be around, as well - worse than coming from a broken home. Really sorry :-(

Please come back after having started a surf via this link and confirm whether you recognise him in these descriptions because, if so, any contributors will know exactly what we're dealing with and how you could/should proceed.

And well done for having hit the end of your tether and woken up. You'll still be groggy for a while, though, so take things very slow. And you will despair for a bit longer. But the point of turning your thoughts to escaping, is that you don't spend the rest of your precious life doing it, let alone seeing that increase to where you literally start to go insane (and your kids end up mal-programmed too).

Please note you have always - from the start - been a divorced, single parent. But with a monkey on your back. No monkey - or at least removed to beyond arm's length where it can't 'hit' you = back on the road to happiness (he'll never be - can't - badly wired or wiring having atrophied and withered away).

If I find time, I'll input some more too (probably).

Tired of being 6th best
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Jun 19 2019 at 00:36
Member since: 19 August 2014
Should have added:

Say NOTHING to him - you keep your powder dry, it's imperative, okay? If you say anything, they, underneath their spoiled-baby tantrum reactions, just use that gen to learn how to dupe you more effectively in future. I know how tempting it is to tell him what he is, but - don't.

Delete your history from here (or there) every time - and whatever else tightening of gadget security. These boys (and few girls) stalk and spy on you throughout the entire fauxlationship.

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