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Why am I so desperate ?

Posted by
REVERSE _FLASH
on Jun 10 2019 at 06:33
Member since: 07 November 2016
Relationship advice I am really desperate to get a girlfriend. I'm 21 years old and have never been on a date. Friends around me are all committed in a relationship and I feel lonely. I don't understand my loneliness. I have a great group of friends who are very close. I have never felt left out even when I am hanging around my couple friends. I have great relations with my family. I am doing good at studies and career wise. I don't know why I feel bad about myself not having a girlfriend. I do realize it is not the most important thing in life but life feels empty because of that.

Currently I am very busy in my work and plan to leave the country in the next year. So I shouldn't be wanting to be in a relationship anyways but I am currently very desperate.

If I start liking a girl, I go mad over her. I pour in all my heart and start acting needy. I stop being myself around girls I like. So, I don't get any girl. I am good around girls when I am not trying to impress them but I start acting super needy when I start liking a girl. Also the only way I get over a girl is when I start liking another one. I move from one girl to another. I start caring for them too much just because I think they are pretty. I start solving all their problems, trying to be a hero in their life. Trying to be there for her even though she doesn't really need me. I think I have loved all of them. That is how I act. I don't even know what it's like to "just like someone" casually and not being so deeply involved in them. Basically ultimate friend-zone. Also I feel so uneasy that I always need to be in love with some girl all the time. I don't remember the last time I wasn't crushing on someone. It has been like this for over 5 years now.

What should I do ?

Why am I so desperate ?
Reply from
LILY31
on Jun 10 2019 at 15:02
Member since: 08 September 2016
Hey,

It sounds like you do understand your loneliness and you do have self awareness and know what your doing wrong. You’ve said it all above :-).

I think the hardest bit is realising and changing your behaviour. And accepting that at the moment you’re not in a relationship and that it’s ok to be single. Yep it can be lonely but there are positives too.

It is hard when all your friends are in a relationship, pleased to know they are good friends and don’t rub it in your face or leave you out. You’d probably feel worse.

I think when you keep really pushing for some to happen, it won’t coz the wrong vibes come off from you, people don’t see the real you. So you will come across as needy or being over keen and that does put people off. When you learn to relax and focus on other things and you’re not looking, it’s more likely to happen.

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