he doesnt want to leave his gf because itll hurt her, but he missed me so much that he came back
he hung up our call to talk to her so she doesn't get suspicious and it hurt like fuck
how do i tell him to break up with her and persue another actual relationship with me
I think you should just drop that relationship.
You won't have a guaranteed relationship if he leaves his GF right now.
What makes you think that he won't make you "the official" girl and his current GF "the other girl"?
It happened in one direction, it could happen in the other direction as well.
I don't believe in it
However of people do not take an option if they can usually it is because they ultimately don't want to.
Sometimes you have to be willing to act out consequences even if it hurts now.