we are both from religious families and mind you, this was a very spontaneous thing especially since we are the same gender and we never considered doing this before. it just happened. so deeply, so sweet, and so innocent, we fell in love. it was so mysterious and i truly feel like she was my twin flame. anyways, fast forward 2 years of absolute bliss (we hid our relationship from absolutely everyone so no one ever knew until after she broke my heart, i told my best friend) so anyways she absolutely destroyed me telling me “i want to get baptized, but i cant be dating you.” from ignoring my texts and calls for days and telling me “i want to be with a boy not you.”. i gave my whole heart and soul to her like ive never done before. why did i? because it just happened so oddly, and we were opposites who complimented eachother perfectly.. she was my other half. i would go more into detail but i think you get the jist of this.
so she ended up breaking my heart horribly. for some reason 3 years later im still deeply struggling with this. ive seen boys since her and have absolutely no interest in seeing another female whatsoever. but i cant help to realize i still have love for her and only want her. recently i poured out my heart to her through a hand written letter, 6 pages front and back expressing how i just want the best for her and how she still has my heart and i dont know what to do about seeing other people, because i just dont feel right in my stomach about it. mind you, we still see eachother once in awhile because our friend group is the same which can be painful. since she broke up with me there has been some moments of longing looks, small “spark” moments, and some even slight flirting on both ends more so on her side. after she read the letter we talked and she seemed as if she didnt know what to do, there was a moment she was about to kiss me but pulled away etc. i just feel so confused because i feel im what she needs and wants but since the whole same gender thing.. she doesnt want me. i totally understand.
but she doesnt care about me and i really wish she did since shes what i think about most days. she told me her feelings are with someone else but this guy calls her very rude names and just doesnt seem like her type. also, im a varsity athlete and a opportunity has come up for me to move schools again, i told her and she seemed sad like she didnt want me to go. but she said she doesnt feel nothing for me anymore, shes talking to a rude guy, and she still has my heart. ive been battling with this and the mixed messages. i just dont know what to do and how to let her go. i feel maybe there is a part of me who still has hope that maybe she will come around and history will repeat itself, but in my mind i know better. shes not the same person i fell for, shes very different, not as sweet, not as gentle, and not as caring but not just towards me, towards life. i think when we broke up maybe it sparked a dark side in her to come out where now she is more self centered than ever and doesnt care about anything. i just hate having a heavy heart all of the time and i hate that she doesnt care about me.
Stop putting your life on hold for someone, based on pre- teen crushes.
Life is short. Be with people who affirm you.