Hi I am very confused in my relationship right now and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and 4 months now. We live almost 2 hours apart and have been taking turns every weekend to drive and see each other. We have talked about getting a place together once the lease is up on his current apartment with his roommates. Well his lease on his apartment with his roommates was up last weekend and both his roommates have moved out with their girlfriends who have been dating less time then we have. Now he is saying he is moving in with his aunt for a month or so to save up money, but he hasn't made any effort to look for a place together or anything. I really don’t know what to do because he tells me one thing then does another. PLEASE HELP!
Hi, it sounds like you need to talk to him about what you both want out of your relationship. If you guys had agreed you were going to live together then he has gone against the plan and done his own thing. Have you found any places and suggested going to look at them with him? maybe suggest setting aside a day to visit estate agents and look at properties to gauge his enthusiasm/commitment?
When I try to talk serious to him it seems he avoids it or just tells me what I want to hear. He usually just says "what are you talking about?" or "you're tripping." I was the one looking for a place alone. I would be on the computer searching for places and show him and he would just say yes or no if he like it. I would be relocating there. He does have a job. I would find a job there. His lease was just up last weekend. My lease is up this month. I do live alone not with my parents. We talked about splitting all the bills. I try to communicate. It just doesnt make sense he is 27 years old (almost 28) and has never lived with a girlfriend. We usually only see each other 1 or 2 days out of the week and some weeks not at all. It gets frustrating. I know what I want. I don't think it should take him that long to know what he wants. I have told him what I want in a relationship and he says he wants the same things.
I don't think it's what HE wants no matter what he is saying. I've seen the same situation more then once with more then one of my friends (And no they arent with those guys anymore). It seems like he's leading you on and feeding you what you want to hear but deep down he's hesitating and isn't sure if its what he really wants and if you keep putting all the time and effort searching for places while he isn't trying then i think you're going to be in for a let-down. Guys suck, that much is obvious and i think you need to have a serious chat with him. If you want the truth out you need to be calm and make the situation comfortable. Say something like ''Babe do you think we're ready to move in with each other? I won't get upset if you don't, I just want you to be honest and if you don't then i completely understand and i can see where you're coming from etc etc''
Just make sure its comfortable or else he'll continue to feed you what you want to hear because he doesn't want you to get upset or mad. If you have a conversation like the one i just gave you and he's comfortable enough to tell you the truth then atleast you know what he TRULY wants to do and not what he's telling you.
Btw I said i had friends who in the past had similiar situations. My girl Danielle was going out with her Ex and she wanted them both to get an apartment together and she called up places, looked up ads online, etc and did ALL the work and he would tell yeah ''yeah i want to have my own places with you'' but deep down he didnt he just didnt think she was going to actually find a place so when she did he told her he couldn't right now and that she should of called him before she went to check out the apartment blah blah.. There was a fight (mainly on her part because she was so upset he was leading her to think he really wante to live with her.) and My girl ended up getting the apartment with her cousin and she STILL wanted her boyfriend to come stay (sleepover) but her cousin wasnt having any of it.