Feeling of being pushed away from a friend
Ok, I'm new here so I will try to keep this short and to the point. A few months ago an old friend from 20 years ago had contacted me on FB and we started talking. And out of the blue he told me that he was Bisexual and I don't know why he told me that just randomly since we hadn't talked in over 20 years. He told me that he just likes his close friends to know so there is no secrets. Well, I had a small crush on this guy back when we worked together back then. So, anyway We started to talk a lot and would hang out. But, then He had moved away to live with his son that he had just found about 2 1/2 prior. We still talked and it was then that he kept hitting around at the idea of me moving up to be closer where he was so we could hang out and be closer.
So, I started to get these feelings for him again and and one day I told him how I felt and he was accepting of it and had kind of figured it out and told me that we would talk about it later on. So, while we were talking and I was going up to see him just every not and then. I started to really fall for him. And, I did tell him that one day as well. He finally told me that we would talk about it but he just wasn't ready to just yet. I told him I was in no hurry and when he was ready to then to let me know.
The thing is during this time. He would at times make me feel as though he was interested. The thing is we would text almost every night and up until a few weeks ago. He got to where he was calling me just about everyday 2 - 3 times a day and we would talk. Up, until one day when he told me that he was really thinking about what I had told him. So, a few days later we met up and that's when He told me that he had thought about things and thought that It would be best if we just stayed friends because we had been friends for so long and that he didn't want to start dating and something bad happen and ruin or friendship.
So, I kinda of agreed with him because at this point I was ready to tell him the same thing after doing some more thinking about it and It really wasn't the best time to start anything right now. Which, I really didn't want I was just looking for the possibility if he thought that maybe there was something there that could happen in the future or if he just seen me as a friend and nothing more. Of course he never told me that. Just that he wanted to be friends.
But, on my way home that night we talked on the phone and he did say that maybe later on in the future when things are going better we could try and see if things would work between us. So, We left it at that and after a few weeks. Things seemed to start to change between us. He go to where he wasn't messaging me so much and so I asked him about it that last time I seen him. And he said that he was just working more and spending time with his son. And that nothing was wrong.
Which, leads up to this. We spend A whole day together on a small road trip and everything seemed to go pretty good. We talked, cut up and listened to music. And, that evening we talked some more and I had asked him again if everything was ok and he said yes. But, I had written him a letter expressing all my feelings for him. No, I didn't confess my love for him cause It hadn't went that fair. But, I wanted him to read it while I was still there. But, it was getting dark and we both had about an hour drive to go home. So, I told him not to read into it more than what it said and I was in no way trying to persuade him to change his mind. That I was just wanting him to know how I felt and that was it.
So, I don't know when or if he ever read the letter. But, I didn't hear from him for 2 days after that. I did message him once the day after and never got a response. So, I left it alone. And then I finally got a text from him on that third just telling me Good Morning and then when I did message him back we talked for about a paragraph and then that was it until the next day and the same thing happened. So for the last few days He's only messaged me while he was on his work break or right when he get off work but it was only to tell me that he was off work and how it went. Then nothing after that. When before he would tell me about his day, Talk about his son. And just talk.
So, now I don't know what to do? It feels as though he has pushed me away or he has started to think about things in more detail. It feels to me that he is the one that is doing exactly what he didn't want to happen with the friendship. I don't know if I should just ask him about it or just leave it alone? I know that sometimes when you tell someone how you truly feel it will scare them off? I just don't get it. I want to talk to him about it but then I don't want him to feel as tho I'm pushing the subject on him. I don't want to lose him as a friend but the way he is doing is making me reconsider it.
As you picture it vividly what exactly is it that you want?