I’m wondering if my friends aren’t genuinely my friends
alright, i have 3 friends. every time i hang out with them, it’s really fun, even if it’s only with 1 or 2 of the friends. however, i really dislike thinking about spending time with them. it’s like taking a shower. i hate the thought of going out with them, but then i feel just fine once i'm there.
i’ve always been a fourth wheel though. we’d always make jokes about me and my personality, but lately i’ve been thinking that maybe they’re not joking. recently, i’ve learned that they've been hanging out a lot without even asking if i wanted to come. i wouldn’t care if it was just 2 of them, or if the 3 were just hanging out for a day, but it’s not. they’ve been having full on sleepovers and meeting up a bunch, and haven't been mentioning it to me at all.
i would love to go with them, but i just feel trash. how would i bring it up without sounding petty and jealous? do they secretly hate me? are they just my friends because nobody else will be? is everything we’ve done together just out of sympathy?
today, one of the friends and i are going to the movies. i invited him first, and now all the shower feelings are coming back. i keep thinking that i’m just a burden, and that he only accepted because saying no would be rude. i don’t even want to leave the house to meet him, and all the doubt is rushing through my head.
i love the three of them dearly, but i’m worried that they don’t feel the same about me. as much as i want to be included, i’ve been too scared to hang out with them. am i being overdramatic?
What you are obviously not is
Emotionally able to communicate
Being empathetic (knowing how they feel)
Being observing ( watching their reactions)
Obviously you doubt yourself from time to time ( which is a good thing ) however that doesn't mean you aren't annoying or self-absorbed egocentered bad smelling or anything else.
If they are making fun of your personality maybe it's for a reason. And maybe they putty you. But all of that does not matter as long as you don't watch yourself and grow into a more empathic, loving and kind person with at least a little social skill
Foursomes are difficult to maintain( except for golf)
Find new friends and bond with one.
But don’t be possessive or needy. Be interesting and independent, so others want to hang with you.
No, you are not over reacting coz more often then not our instincts are right. It’s sounds like you’ve felt like this for a long time.
The fact you say you feel anxious before meeting these 3 friends, goes to show that something isn’t right and you're intelligent enough to pick up on that and know that this isn’t how friend treat one another. You describe the situation well too, with your ‘shower feeling’. You should not be feeling like this with friends, you should be feeling comfortable, able to express an opinion, confined in them and (more importantly) have fun.
Sure, there are some times where you do have to check your self and make sure your being a good friend too but it’s works both ways.
Leaving you out, making jokes about you and nit picking at your personality is bullying. You should be an equal not below them. A toxic friendship, go google.
Of course there is a difference between being able to laugh at your self or just having a laugh in general, but if you’re the butt end of the joke every time, it’s not right. It leaves you feeling insecure, low in self esteem and not very confident. And nervous for the next time you meet up with them. So it’s a viscous circle and continues to happen.
I’m wondering if there is a ring leader, who starts the teasing or if they all do it? But it doesn’t really matter coz all three of them are doing it.
I think talking to them isn’t going to work. They will probably deny it and make you feel bad. It could be down to you accepting (not going to be easy) that they are not real friends and moving on and finding new ones, could be a book club or something in your local area. Coz I think once you do, you will start to feel better about your self too and that anxious feeling and any other feeling will go. :-)