I am stuck in a love triangle
I am from Pakistan and from a village. My family moved with me from city to city for my education. When I was 15, I started talking to a boy on facebook. We exchanged numbers and I started calling him. But we were just friends at that time. When I turned 17, he asked me if i loved him. And I did. When I was 18, I met a person in college, he was very different than me. But he was very serious about me. So I broke up with the person whom I met on facebook (Lets call hum john). And I said yes to the person who was in college with me (Lets call him bob). We have been in a relationship since then. Its been almost 5 and a half years. But I feel like something is missing. We dont laugh as much as I used to laugh with john. I used to talk day and night on the phone, we were always texting but with bob, there is not much to talk about.
This january, john contacted me, he doesnt know about my relation with bob because he is going to make all our chat public and my pictures as well. Because he can do anything when he is angry. He asked me if i was married and i said no. He said marry me. I did know that I had feelings
for him. pretty strong feelings. but I said no, because it was not fair. And due to the fact that he said, you will have to cover your head and face when we are married when we are in public. And that I will have to live the rest of my life as a housewife. I am currently pursuing a degree in social sciences. After the completion of my degree, I do want to do something of my own or look for a job. But he said I can't do either of them.
Then in April, I contacted him. I was emotionally unstable. and I desperately needed a friend. So I called him. And he answered. We started talking. I have been talking to him since April. And It has been 3 months. His best qualities are that he is very funny, when we talk I lose track of time. 4 days ago I went to see a movie with my friends, Our group consists of 4 boys and 4 girls. John texted me just like he did every single day. I told him I was at movies with my friends. He started writing messages in caps. He said that I was shameless to go out with boys. He said that he would never want a wife who has guy friends. He said so much. He said that I didnt care about him. I said that I did take permission from my parents. He replied that I did not ask him and that he did not like my field, my hobbies or my friends. But he said that he loved me and that he wants to marry me. I said that I cannot leave any of these. Because its like living in a prison. He texted back that fine, I should enjoy my life then.
Coming towards, bob. He is a very kind person. We dont have similar interests but we did go to the same university. And we also have the same degree. He wants to marry me. He supports me, my decisions. He has not forced me to give up any of my hobbies and he is not against pursuing a career after marriage. He loves me more than I love him. If I call him and say that i am hungry, he sends over a pizza without telling me. I love him because he has been my support. He cares about me. He know how my parents have struggled to send me to the best university. And after all that struggles I have to do something with my life and not just get married and be a house wife.
Now the thing is, although i have texted john that fine "I am going to enjoy my life" and I havent texted him since the last 4 days. I am feeling miserable. I miss him. We used to laugh. We had so much to talk about. But then I think about bob. I have him, but we cant talk for hours. He loves me alot but he cannot make me laugh the way john did. I miss him. But if I text him back, I cannot break up with him again. He is a dangerous person as he once threatened to send my texts to my father.
I dont know how to deal with this situation. This is a very important year of my life. I have so much on my plate. Bob and I have a new organization together. we just started it. Bob and I want to go abroad for further education together. But I cant I CANT move on from john. I feel like I love him. I dont have a stable personality. when I have someting i dont care about it and when I dont, I want to have it and create problems for myself.
In order to talk more with bob, I have planned a day out with him on in a day. I want to talk to him. I want to be closer to him to forget john. But I keep on wanting to talk to john. Its killing me on the inside. Please tell me what should I do. Please.
Note: I have never met john. I just know him through facebook and we have talked on phone for years. We were planning to meet next month but I guess that is not happening now.
So if you imagine a life without Bob.
Bob is completely gone from your life, would that be ok for you if you had someone else?