me and my partner have been together for 16 months and have a 9 month old son (we were sleeping together before we got together officially) and since he has been born we have been arguing ALOT more,she doesnt like my mum and think she interferes too much (she sees us twice a week) and it feels like she doesnt want to be with me anymore,she makes no effort,its me who askes if she wants a cuddle or a kiss,we turn our backs on each other when we go to bed and argue about almost everything,it feels like we are only together for our son,she says she loves me and i think i love her,i dont know what to do !!
You THINK you love her? And no offence but what are you doing with a woman who disrespects your mother? Oh heckkk no. Lol. But in all seriousness we on this site dont no the whole situation so its very hard to give advice. I'm a very good advice giver in real life and good on advice online on particular subjects but questions like yours are very hard to truly understand (being a stanger) If it was a female asking this same question most people would assume he's losing interest, stressed out, cheating, etc but again its only assumptions. But since you are a male asking this question its a little different.
She could just be stressed out being a mother (considering shes a full-time mommy and you work?) If that's the case she could be depressed and not know it so therefore can't address it. (most people who are depressed don't ''feel'' it, they just lose interest in alot of things including sex, cuddling, etc and aren't in a happy go lucky mood like they would normally be.)
I don't like the part about her not liking your mother. Whats your mother personality? Is she the loving mother who calls to talk to the baby and calls to see how you' guys are doing or is she the mother who calls and nags about things or gets in fights with you? If she is the loving mother type then your partner is completely in the wrong for disrespecting her.
Communication is the best policy. Btw have you two considered counselling or is that out of the question? Couselling sessions can determine what the issue is and how to fix it. If the issue is your partner doesn't have romantic feelings for you anymore then theres no point staying together wasting each others time but that is worse case senerio. Alot of couples go threw issues and most dont talk about and it eats away at them until they explode and breakup (it's usually a nasty breakup too) So as corny as ''counselling'' might seem it will be worth it not only for you but for your daughter as well.
i only think i love her because of her attitude towards me and her attitude towards my mum,i have given a short summary of the problem as if i were to explain everything it would take pages and pages,i am interested that you said that if i was a female asking the same question then most people would say that i would be losing interest or cheating etc,what makes me being male different ?,i am home 95-99% of the time she is due to unemployment and "pull my weight" with our son etc,if she is depressed how do i try and get her to see it?.
My mum is the caring type,i am an only child and our son is first grandchild and hence she can be overbearing however i have talked to her (my mum) about it and she has backed off alot,my mum looks after our son one night a week so me and my partner can do something special together as a couple but the only thing different we do is have a roast dinner and my mum sees him one afternoon a week when we all go up for lunch,Her mother however has 3 other children and 4 other grandchildren and is therefore more laid back (she also lives 2-3 hours away).
The only counselling we have locally is with relate and is too expensive because of us both being unemployed at present hence why i am trying to get help online.
Has your additude been any different around her? I know me personally gave my EX a cold soulder because he wasent as affectionate (verbally with compliments or physically) and i felt he didn't appreciate me as much as he use to and took alot of things for granted which most of the time it isn't even on purpose on the guys part. You guys have been together for a while and guys are always more lovey dovey in the first year or so and maybe shes feeling like you aren't giving her as much attention as you use to. Even if you don't realize it. I mean with my Ex i would be bitchy or act like i could care less. I would play the same game or give him additude but looking back i should of just communicated because for all i know he could of been doing what you're doing (asking people online why his girlfriend is acting negative towards him.)
But also you gotta understand she went from being your girlfriend to being your childs mother and having a child is ALOT of work and can wear you out and she could be stressed, exausted because having a baby takes up a whole lot of time and energy and she could be releasing that stress by taking it out on you. That happens ALOT with couples, mainly the females. You might be stressing out for something that has nothing to do with you personally.
What i meant about a guy acting that way and it being considered different because stats show that guys who act shady and who want to spend less time around there girlfriends/wives and make no effort in the relationship and dont have sex with them anymore are usually cheating or losing interest while a female doing that could be many reasons (not saying females dont cheat, they do but theres usually more reasons that they would be acting shady or distant, ESP with a new baby.)
-I use to be depressed a few years ago and it took me a long time to even realize i was depessed because it wasen't major i was just losing interest and not wanting to go out with friends etc. Now you said you both are on unemployment or soon to be and counselling would be too much so im guessing you dont have medical/healthcare? If that's the case then going to a therapist or doctor for depression would cost to much an getting the script (antidepressants) woud cost alot.
- I still disagree about her showing lack or respect for your mother. That's your mother and the grandmother to your child. There are alot of grandmothers out there who never visit there grandchildren. And what's funny is my mother sounds like the same type only difference is my nephew lives across the country and my brother's EX wife apparently disliked my mother when all my mother ever did was call my brother and want to talk to my nephew (her grandbaby). He curently has a girlfriend now because the EXwife cheated on him in there own house so he told her to screw.
- Now if she was cheating you would probably have a strong instinct (aka feeling?) that she is cheating, Do you?
- You could also google thins like ''MY girlfriend is acting different'' or ''My girlfriend has been acting distant and arguing with me lately'' But try to find experts on relationships on google so you can explain your whole story and explain that you have a 9 month old daughter and all.