I am living abroad, in her country. She demands I earn a certain amount of money each month, otherwise she gets extremely mad and leads to huge arguments, I also have to put the majority into her bank for savings.
She is very aggressive and when she drinks, in which recently she has been a lot - not coming home until 4am even 8am sometimes. She wakes me up, shouts at me and is very violent with me.
I have tried leaving her in the past, but when I did she tried to slit her wrist. - She actually managed to but I quickly intervened and luckily it wasnt too deep. I had to call for an ambulance and pay for her treatment.
What's more is living in another country after arguments and fights, I am left to stay on the street as my friends live too far away and the majority of the time, it happens when she wakes me up and attacks me, leaving me no choice but to leave the house, more often than not without a wallet etc.
I always feel guilty as her Mum died a few years back and instead of her being with her mum, she waited for me to land in the city she was staying, rather than go back to her home city to be with her mum. - Well the day I landed her mum died, and she didn't get to say goodbye to her.
I really want to leave, but can't do it without her harming herself - she literally will kill herself.
Not only that but we have a dog together - technically it's her dog, but I have grown so attached to it, and would hate to see it abandoned.
She no longer works now, as she kept getting laid off for one reason or another - so almost every other day she is going out and getting so drunk.
It's just got too much now, I work 2 jobs and get 5 hours a sleep a night, but when she is going out, coming home drunk and barely get 3. I am drained.
How do I leave, with all my things, without her harming herself.
Due to her having the majority of the money, it makes it even harder for me. I will have to wait until the end of the month to afford something.
Most people would RUN from this abuse and financial drain.
Make a plan and give yourself a deadline for leaving.
It sounds like your fiancee has emotional issues which are not your fault, but you are bearing the brunt of it.
- it's a shame that the order of events around her mum passing occurred, but that is NOT your fault. It just stinks but it's not your or your fiancee's fault. Your fiancee has to reconcile that with herself and you need to work through the guilt you feel about it.
- in the short-term I assume you'll still have arguments and might have to be out of the house- start making a habit of putting your wallet somewhere near the door or somewhere consistent, and take it as you go. It could be something you swipe without her seeing as you leave.
- (I'm an accountant) I think you will just have a financial loss and need to start over somewhat; you should be able to change how your paycheck is deposited. If possible, get that form ASAP and keep it at the office or somewhere she won't see it.
If she has access/authority to your bank accounts, then you will need to deal with the bank, possibly create a new account and transfer the funds, and risk losing what you have saved.
I sincerely hope that you do not lose out a great amount financially, but it may be the cost of the relationship.
- finally, the concern over her suicide attempts - I don't know what country you're in, but I hope you could possibly have her committed to the hospital since she is a danger to herself.
These issues will NOT go away and will ONLY get worse.
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