He’s not sure what he wants anymore. Is it worth trying to work through?
I just turned 30 this year and for the past 5 years have been in a relationship with a 32 year old man I met at a college graduation party. When we first met he was really unhappy in his job and wanted more for himself. After a couple of years of dating we start talking about the next steps to our relationship and he tells me that he wants to marry me and have a family with me but again, he’s not happy with his job and feels like he should be more of a provider before we start that part of our life together.
About 3 years into dating he decides that he wants to go into wind energy. Basically he wants to be one of the guys that climbs the giant wind turbines that generate electricity. Being a supportive girlfriend I tell him to go for it and help him both motivationally and financially get the certifications he needs for the job.
At first the only jobs he can get are with contractors that send him for months at a time all over the US to different jobs they’ve accepted. It was rough on me and him because he hated being away and assured me that as soon as he was hired full time with one company, he would do what they needed him to do so he could get stationed at a permanent home site.
Cut to the end of 2018 and he receives a job with his dream company with just one problem: he’s still a traveling tech. He’s told it will probably be about two years before he will get stationed home but he accepts because this is what him and I have been wanting for years at this point.
Now for the issue. He calls me up while he’s on the road about a week ago and tells me that he’s been thinking while he’s been gone and he’s not sure he has those same goals anymore. He tells me he loves me as much as he ever has but that he now also loves traveling and doesn’t know if he wants to get married, have a house, kids, etc anytime in the near future . He tells me he’s unsure and wanted to let me know because he feels guilty to have me wait for him when his plans or goals could be changing.
Added notes on the situation. I found out just how serious he was about marriage when I accidentally found out him and my sister went ring shopping so he could figure out what I would absolutely love (me and my sister are besties). He did that about 10-11 months ago. Also to note: I’m not the only thing tying him here to this area. He has a sick father and a dog that I care for while he’s out on the road as well as other family and friends here. He does come home about every 12 weeks.
So my question is this: Do you think it’s worth talking through and maybe salvaging the relationship or should we cut our losses and be done.
Tl;dr Boyfriend of 5 years went from wanting to get married and have a family to wanting to travel the road. Is it worth saving?
Sounds like he’s getting cold feet on the relationship. Plus, he’s now found something he likes to do want wants to get that out of his system before settling down. Not unusual, but that’s usually takes place in the 20’s for most guys.
So- time is passing. Decide if you want to wait for him or go on and find someone else. At least he’s been honest about it that he’s got things to do before considering settling down.