Flirting or banter
on Jul 29 2019 at 23:59
My husband went to our local store to put the lottery on. He said the sales assistant woman said to him he can share it with her, I assume if he won. He said he answered back, if you want to share £10 then you can. He said she was in her 30s, he is 54. was it banter or was she flirting or was he flirting. I don't know why he told me what happened and now I'm wondering if he wants to go back the store to see her. There is a smaller one he can go to but he said he does not want to. he said because our last landlord lives near the smaller shop and she never done any work on the house we rented from her and never wants to see her again, I don't want to ever see her again either. I said he could bump into her at the big store not just tge little store. I don't know if this is a excuse so he can go to the big store to see the sales assistant again. He as been on dating sites in the past and once had a text from a woman saying she was back from holiday, he said it was meant for someone else and that the phone belonged to another guy from work before he got it. he denies he as ever cheated or wants anyone else but I think he does and as cheated on me. I found a email years ago on his laptop and it was a message from a swingers site. He said his email was hacked. I know he is lying and I have put it to the back of my mind talking myself out of the real truth and that I really think he is a cheater. Now if I want something from the shop he says he will go and I'm wondering if he will go to the big shop to see the sales assistant, he said he will never go there again and will go to the small one but I think he is lying to me and how will I know any different. Was she flirting with him, having a joke or what. Am I over thinking things. I asked him if I'm enough for him he says I am and is he enough for me. he had his prostrate taken out two years ago and feels he is no longer a man Down there
on Jul 30 2019 at 00:46
This is Tilla again. I argued with my husband about this tonight and asked him again what she said. He said the sales assistant woman said, are you going to share it with me and he replied, if you want to share £10 then. So I really need to know from anyone out there what is going on. Was she flirting, was he, was it just small talk and is it what anyone else might say to someone buying a lottery ticket, it's going over and over in my head and now I keep thinking I cannot trust him no matter what he says to me and what does it mean to our relationship. Is she a threat. Am I over thinking things like my husband said I am or what.
on Jul 30 2019 at 01:29
Tilla again. Could he of said a different answer to her like, no I will share it with my wife and kids. He said if a male sales assistant had said the same thing to me and I told him then he would just laugh and think nothing of it instead of having fantasies like I do
on Jul 30 2019 at 01:41
Tilla, he said he would not know what she looked like if he went in the store again but I know he would because he stares at women and as done right in front of me on holiday and when having a meal a few times and he as never respected me at all. He denies he as ever stared at women done but he as and I know what he is like and lying to me saying he wouldn't know her face again
on Jul 31 2019 at 13:16
I have two answers to this question. In the first I will ignore all the background information you have.
1. He is 54 and probably felt a confidence boost from the younger woman flirting with him, that's why he shared it with you, because he was proud and wanted to show you that he is desirable and attractive. As an incident on its own it's a little immature and needy for a 54 year old to do that but not anything to worry about.
2. Wow... I think all that background stuff is actually the main concern here. You said you fully believe he has cheated on you. Can you accept that? Or not? Either way I think some doubts have been created that either need to be confirmed or comprehensively dispelled.
on Aug 1 2019 at 10:18
I’m the husband concerned.
In response to Tiredoflife, I have not had a boost, on the contrary since this happened I have never felt so low as I do now and I am ready to end it all. I have had to put up with this sort of thing for years even though my wife has constantly cheated on me and I have put up with it and turned a blind eye to it all.
I am officially giving up there’s no more fight left in me.
on Aug 1 2019 at 13:19
I did not expect that at all.
Well it's difficult to know what to believe now since I'm just hearing two opposing accounts of events from strangers on the internet. And I have no context or background information to go on.
In that spirit I can't say much.
Except that you shouldn't give up. There are people out there, professional and otherwise who will listen and provide help.
I know what a toxic relationship can do to your mindset as I've just come out of one. But I do also know that it's never worth giving up on life because of one person. There are 7 billion of us here.
Good luck both of you with however you choose to help yourselves.
on Aug 1 2019 at 13:33
I have to give up. She never listens and anything and everything I do is just an excuse for her to accuse me of something.
There’s no point anymore.
on Aug 1 2019 at 21:35
EVERY time I buy a lottery ticket I tell the bar tender, waiter, clerk, or attendant I will share it with them.
It’s not about the lottery ticket, this is about your lack of trust with your husband.
on Aug 6 2019 at 10:07
Susiedqq why would you say you would share it the people you mentioned. I assume you brought your ticket at a shop or garage not at a restaurant, wine bar etc.
I asked my son if he would ever say this to anyone because he worked at a shop and he said, no why would he.
on Aug 7 2019 at 09:20
Why would I say that? Because, it IS banter between me and the clerk. Harmless fun.
It sounds like there are deep issues with your husband and unresolved feelings you are dealing with. And his interjection further complicates things.
It sounds like both of you are very unhappy. Perhaps a separation and some personal counseling for you might help you decide if staying with him is affecting your health and mental wellbeing.
At this point, whether he truly flirts and gawks can’t be proven or disproven. But how you each feel is damaging the relationship.
on Aug 7 2019 at 14:26
So susiedqq you wouldn't say it to a female would you only a male. When I say about his fancy woman he as a Smirk on his face. According to him he only does it because its a look of dismay cos I make shit up about him. I beg to differ, I think hes happy what happened at the shop and he will go back there behind my back to get his boost from her. Yes we both are not happy and I Said I wanted to go back and see the marriage counsellor to tell her how I feel but nothing as been done about it and I don't think he's bothered. I feel so low and depressed and I am worried about my mental health.
on Aug 8 2019 at 21:52
Go to counseling by yourself, for yourself.
This back and forth between you two is exhausting. If he is a narcissist, he enjoys the attention, even if it’s negative.
In the meantime, your self esteem suffers.