I have a sister-in-law whom I first met in many years ago and my brother dated her for 6 years before he married her. However, on the day of her bridal shower, I realized that my brother shouldn't marry her. She was only nice to me and my family just to have my brother who was a catch. She was kind of ugly, chubby, and not that bright. She even told us that no Korean guys liked her (her dinner date made her pay for her dinner) and actually my brother didn't really like her either. Yet, my brother kind of gives in if women are forward to him. My brother was good-looking, making good money and very smart. And so, my sister-in-law (then my brother's girlfriend) made it her mission to have him for life. However, the problem was that my brother never liked her as much as she liked him so she decided to use me to have my brother. She was nice to me calling me her "friend" and taking me on dates with my brother (I was naive to think that she genuinely liked me to take me on their dates!) and buying me gifts. She even got together with her mom and they made it their goal to have my brother. They both put my parents down because they had more money than us (we didn't have a lot of money but their business wasn't doing well either) and used their money to get what they wanted. My sister-in-law's mom is a typical witchy, foxy older Korean woman who only looks out for her child at the expense of others. Anyhow, they made it so that I would not be independent and lean on my brother and my family so that my brother would have to look out for me for a long long time. What a way to get to someone's psyche. You see, since my brother doesn't like my sister-in-law that much she had to use me as her prop. If I become independent and successful, my brother doesn't need to be with her. But my sister-in-law's mom is capable of many things that she sweet talked my brother into being good to his family especially my sister-in-law. My brother had to marry my sister-in-law because he had no choice. He was pressured into marrying her because my mom told him to be responsible for her and my sister-in-law was stuck on him. He was more into Koreanized, good-looking and bright Korean women who weren't like her.
That is sad that you can see your brother married someone who wasn't the love of his life. He is an adult though so he had to make the decision for himself. If you try to interfere with his relationship with his wife you could risk ruining the relationship you have with your brother. If I read your post correctly, it sounds like your sister-in-law's family made you dependant on them somehow? It sounds like the best thing that you could do then is to get out of that situation and become as independant as you can be. What your brother does is up to him. I know you love him and you probably hope for him that he could have the best wife, but that decision is totally up to him to figure out and it's not your responsibility. If he chose to surrender to pressure to get married that was his choice.
How did they “make” you not indeoendent of your brither?
Is he supporting you?