Hi, my two sister-in-laws (SIL) and Mother in law (MIL) have always disliked me from the beginning.There'd be family events which my Husband and I go to where the SIL's would both completely ignore me/us, and not even say hello. My MIL would condone their behaviour.
There'd be times I'd go to my MIL's church and sit alone, she would sit 4/5 seats away from me as if she was embarrassed by me.
My husband's family refused to come to our wedding abroad in India citing work as an excuse and poking fun at the Asian culture, but a year later, they all went to an extended family member's wedding abroad, nearby to the location we had ours. Following this, the relationship was never great, where they'd not have much to do with us. Whenever we did visit they had little interest in us, but would talk amongst themselves about random topics/other people.
All up until last year, I got pregnant. Then it was a different story and everyone wanted to get involved.
However I had an extremely tough pregnancy, my Dad got diagnosed with cancer in the midst of it, and had to have surgery and chemotherapy. I got gestational diabetes as well as SPD where my pelvic pains were so bad I could barely even walk.
We needed help to get ready for the birth, so my husband asked his parents for help with DIY, which fell on deaf ears. My MIL also didn't offer to come and help before the baby arrived,even though I couldn't walk or move much. But as soon as the baby was born they wanted to come straightaway to cuddle him.
Whenever they did visit the baby, they'd disregard our wishes and not even wash their hands or ask us first whether they can hold the baby, even though he was asleep, but would help themselves to him. I find their visits very stressful (and I'm also breastfeeding) as both MIL and SIL are both very aggressive and disrespect us but they keep asking to visit. What can we do? This issue has caused a lot of arguments in our marriage, where my husband resents me for not getting on with them and I can tell he is miserable, which has even led to talk of divorce.
This must be very stressful for you and your marriage. But nothing is going to get better unless your husband takes steps to insist you are treated better. This requires him to confront his mother and sister.
Most likely his subservience to the women in the family has been going on for his entire life - a cultural thing, perhaps. Plus it’s not unusual for mothers to think no woman is good enough for their son.
Is there a counseling service available where a counselor can work with you both to strengthen your marriage? The mother and sister cannot be allowed to affect your marriage and this needs to be dealt with soon.