A year ago after graduating from college I moved into a house share after getting a job.
I counted myself lucky as my female housemate was very friendly and welcoming. She took me under her wing knowing I didn't have any family or friends near by. She introduced me to her friends, and invited me on nights out. I showed her I was thankful for her support by keeping the house tidy, dealing with our pain in the ass landlord, cooked meals and I did lots of favours for her. We were close for about 9 months.
Around May this year, I noticed she had subtly started to make comments about my appearance. I should dye my hair, get fake nails, I should wear contacts not glasses. When I did follow her advice she became offended, often questioning me.
One day we went shopping and I asked her what she thought of a top I liked. She replied it's not something I would wear, but it's very you. Her comment comment stuck with me. I've since become very indecisive when it comes to clothes shopping. I try to get an idea of what's in fashion by watching vlogs on YouTube, looking at what other women around my age buy, in magazines and so fourth. I'm clueless.
A month ago I was going on a date. My housemate asked what I was wearing and I showed her what I had picked out. She laughed and said You really gave no idea do you? No wonder you haven't got a boyfriend yet. I asked her for help and she said no, she was busy. The date was unsuccessful I wasn't myself. When I returned home my house mate was with her friend, they were watching a movie and she asked how the date went. I told her there was no spark. She turned her back to me, whispered something to her friend and they burst out laughing. I went upstairs to my room and cried myself to sleep.
We are not friends and I have been keeping my distance. she still carries on teasing me. I'm know I'm pathetic because I can't stand up to her. I'm lonely. I have come close quitting my job I love and returning home. I'm looking out for a new house share as I feel so depressed.
I have been doing lots of overtime at work to avoid her. I saved money that I would like to spend on my self. This is not to impress my housemate, it is for me. I have been ruthless throwing a lot of clothes away but not replacing what I've thrown away. I don't have much left.
Can anyone give me advice on my house mate?
Am I being oversensitive?
Can anyone enlighten me on finding my own identity?
Thank you for reading.
I'm not old enough how to deal with housemates, but I believe I'm experienced enough with these kind of situation (even though I have one of my own) but one thing is a cute subtle way to explore different looks and stuff with someone, and another thing is teasing and picking at your appearance.
You could either see if you could find yourself another place, find your way into socializing with people who are healthy to be around. Because even if she doesn't like your appearance or it doesn't reach whatever standards you have, it's you look, it's what makes you feel confident. I have no idea what you look like but I believe that if someone is comfortable in their appearance and clothing, then they are beautiful because they feel that way.
I know it's in human nature to feel doubtful of yourself when someone points things out you think are good or okay, but she if she's really kind and friendly like she brought herself to look like, she wouldn't be mocking you're clothing, because someone can have the best style and hide a nasty heart behind it. Hopefully you can find the courage to make it straight that both of you live in that home and so both should be respected and she should stay in her place since she's not even a friend. I really hope you're doing well and chin up. My advice may not be the best but I genuinely hope you start to feel better with yourself since I imagine how it feels to not feel emotionally welcome or safe in your own home, she's not worth your tears. Wishing the best CECILY!
Time to move. Find a new living arrangement.
It’s important to remember you will just be sharing a living space with someone - not becoming enmeshed in their life. No need to become best buddies or even socialize with a roommate.
Perhaps this relationship got too close for her comfort. Some people push away when they feel crowded, and they can be cruel about it.
Start over fresh as an independent, friendly roommate who has interests and activities of her own, outside of the house.