Not sure if I like my boyfriend enough but don't want to lose him
I'm unhappy in my relationship sometimes. It's very complicated though as one minute I can feel loved up with him and like I'm happy and then my mood can change and a few hours later I've got this voice in my head which says I'm unhappy and I don't truly love him which yes I don't think I do. Bottom line is I don't really know what love is and I know you shouldn't compare relationships but I don't always get everything so intense with him or butterflies in the same way I did with my ex. I'm young too just to clarify I'm 20, so I'm not going to know an awful lot. I know it's unhealthy to drag the relationship on but I'm very insecure and I don't want to lose him because he is such a nice sweet guy I don't think I could get any better than him because of how relationships are nowadays, not in a while anyway if we did break up. I feel thankful I have him. We've been together for 5 months now so yeah not long but obviously it can feel like long time and a lot can happenin a short space of time. It's just frustrating as severeal times our relationship has nearly ended due to me being fickle about my feelings - even not too long after we first started datin. Something is clearly missing atleast it feels like that sometimes. I like him I'm fond of him and obviously you do get some feelings when you spend time with someone like that. When my first boyfriend (before him) broke up with me it was very sudden for me and I don't want to experience that again. The difference is my first boyfriend wasn't very nice but my boyfriend now is very sweet and the opposite of my first. I'm attracted to my boyfriend but not too sure if it's as strong as me and my ex although that was way more of a lust kind of thing. I do feel some lust with my new boyfriend don't get me wrong I have a high sex drive but he doesn't want to do sexual stuff as much as my ex did although we still do have sex. I have gotten used to the routine of me and my boyfriend and I'm comfortable. I tend to struggle quite a bit with change sometimes generally speaking and this year in general I've had quite a few changes like moving to a different part of the UK, living without my parents for the first time, my parents moving abroad and moving 2.5 hours away from my boyfriend instead of 30 mins. I noticed at one point I had a voice telling me after I had moved further away from my boyfriend that I want my freedom and don't want to be held back - I don't get that as much now but it can creep up sometimes. I am over my first boyfriend but as I haven't had too many relationships with this current one being my second and I'm still learning as I go, I can only compare my relationship now to my one before as I don't know what else to do. I can get fragile sometimes that's how I felt with the break up I have experienced. My current boyfriend has said in the past it's all or nothing we are either together or not at all which is a scary thought to me. I don't really have any friends in the proper world at all and if I'm honest I've always struggled with that - I don't know if that plays a bit part. The thing with me and my boyfriend is we always seem to come back to eachother (we haven't broken up ever just nearly) and I don't want to lose him. I don't want this to be a case of me hurting him either. He's been frustrated about me being fickle and I know he could potentially be angry and I don't blame him. People tell me I'm overthinking this whole thing but when my mood shifts and I get thoughts saying Im not truly happy it's not nice they just come on randomly. We've always pulled through and it gives me faith I just get very scared of hi, breaking up with me - I know I would have to deal with that if I did with no choice obviously, he said he won't and he doesn't want to but if I carry on being the way I am I reckon he could. But maybe I just like the attention and affection and routine. Sometimes even when y mood shifts and I don't say anything but act happy and wait for it to past till I'm happy again he'll ask whats up then get angry when I say something or if I say nothings up but goes into the feelings thing that's frustrating.
No one is under obligation to be consistently in love with any one person. Let yourself and BF be human and acknowledge that. Maybe the relationship is suffocating you.
You’vE never really been on your own. You’ve had Parents then BF, then another BF. You don’t really seem to know yourself. Perhaps you could use some time to find yourself and experience life for a while. Griw as a wonan. Seek counseling for guidance from a local women’s clinic.
Its troubling that BF says the relationship has to be all or nothing. That almost seems like a threat. He seems insecure.
Follow your gut feeling and don’t be afraid to try out your own wings.
Not all thoughts/voices are true and they are unhelpful can be irrational thinking. you don’t have to listen/believe to them and you can question them and get control of them. Look for evidence to see if theses thoughts are actually true.
do look out for red flags, like control etc or if he treats you similar like your ex did.
But I think if you’ve come from a relationship where right and you weren’t treated well it can make you anxious and low self esteem. Especially if there wasn’t much space between the two relationships so make sure you get some time to yourself.