My boyfriend doesn't seem to understand that I want more from our long distance
Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since two years. It is mostly a long distance thing.
Previously, like every relationship it used to be very romantic, but now it seems the spark is gone. He is no longer romantic, he no longer sings to me like he used to previously (as music is one of his hobbies) , he does not take interest in my likings or those things which make me happy, he has changed.
When I talked about this to him, he said every relationship has this problem and we need to mature after sometime. But I still want to keep our relationship alive and cheerful. I never felt the need to change. When I am having problems and cry my heart out, all he says now is don't cry for stupid reason, just move on.
And he is being brutally honest recently. As it is a long distance relationship I have tried every possible way to make time for ourselves like video calling, asking him to watch a movie at the same time, sending him pics of what Im doing. But he does not reciprocate it the same way as me, it is rather a cold response from him.
He says he loves me a lot and he does not need to prove it. And that I am being too selfish and trying to seek attention.
I give him his space, I do not disturb him while he is at work, or taking rest or chilling all by himself. I am used to him not giving me the importance that I expect from him, but now it is starting to feel unbearable.
Now I do not feel like sharing anything with him, thinking he will not respond and that will make me mad. Everytime I try talking to him regarding this, he says it's all your mind playing games with you, we both know we love each other and nothing else is needed. That's the end of conversation and I'm not able to express myself any further and he is not ready to listen any more. So it ends up staying with me.
If I ignore him, he does call me up, but just to say hi hello what are you doing and hang up. And I am again left with my feelings within me. It is becoming more of an elderly couple relationship whose only duty is to stay as husband and wife because of their kids.
Also we have almost zero sex life because he does not want it, and I'm still ok with that decision of his. Also we never talk for hours because we both are busy with our work. Also we hardly video call, because he is busy most if the time and hanging out with his friends. I'm ok with that too. But what is hurting me is his brutal honesty and indifference. Please help.
I am so disturbed and, not being able to share it with anyone this is the only platform I thought of pouring my heart out. Sorry for the very long post.
Just a few questions; HOw old are you guys? How long is the distance between you? How often you see each other?
Your BF appears to be the Controlling/Dictator of your relationship; what he says is the law; and your opinion and feelings don't matter.
-When you've become distraught and have cried; he says "your reason for crying is stupid" -a backward way of calling you stupid.
-You make all the effort to communicate and stay in touch-he makes no effort to reciprocate and his response to you is cold.
-No longer takes any interest in what you like or makes you happy.
-He says "he loves you a lot and he doesn't need to prove it and you're being selfish and seeking attention.
-When you tell him how he makes you feel; he says "it's all your mind games"
-He states again that you both love each other and nothing else is needed; and he's not ready to listen to any more of your -comments; that the end of the conversation.
-You have almost zero sex life because he doesn't want it.
From where sit this guy is/has become a Controlling/Verbally Abusive/Dictator/Jerk/ in this relationship. You have lost all of your power in the relationship. When he' is being himself you make sure you do nothing to irate him and stay in your place.
First his man does not love or care about you. You in my opinion have no value in this relationship. There is nothing positive in how he treats you. He is an Abuser. I would have left him long ago. He's effected your Self Esteem/ Self Respect and has devalued your value in this relationship. You must seek professional counseling and get help to rebuild life, your self respect/and your power to walk away from this unhealthy abusive relationship in my opinion.
There are people on this site who can and will give you help. Please understand he does not own you; nor does he love you. You have every right to feel the way you do. Thank God you've only been together for 2 years- Is there any chance that he's involved with some one else? The zero sex is red flag?.
This relationship is too toxic and abusive to remain in.