Am I the crazy one or just crazy for letting her do it?
So me and my gf are really good together and have always been but she works at a bar and gets hit on a lot, I don’t get jealous I ask her about the situation and we laugh it off, but there’s this one guy that she gets on with well and thinks is a good guy and I thought so at first, so he hit on her the first night they met and I heard about it and wasn’t bothered, then the next time we all met at her work place and he was teaching us both how to use poi’s(they’re like balls on string like a circus act). I knew that he still liked her but thought that yeah it’s obvious we’re a couple and he’s backed down from that and just wants to be friends with us. She really wanted a friend so I was ok with them hanging out form time to time because I’m not an over jealous type, I just told her to make sure that she doesn’t lead him on in any way so that he doesn’t get ideas and end up hating her and not being friends with her because he wanted more.
They text a lot and even until like 2am they will be texting so he stays up texting her and that’s when I got annoyed and said wtf, he is clearly trying to get somewhere with you, my gf has showed me all the messages they exchange so she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong, and one topic of conversation he brought up was that fact that it’s ok to have a fling with someone even if you’re in a relationship. That I got angry at and said look, that is obvious he is trying!! She said well if he is it doesn’t matter because I have no interest in him I love you. I just need a friend. It is true she does need friends and does cling on any chance that she might get friends. So I allowed it and once again told her to be careful not to accidentally mislead him.
She went out with him a few times to have lunch because I was at work and couldn’t get home and there was no food in the house and it didn’t really bother me because I trust her like 99%. And the next time I saw him after that was in her pub and we played pool and had a drink. He spoke to me and said mate you’re a good guy and you have nothing to worry about between us, she’s with you and I know that and you’re good for her so honestly there is nothing on my mind I just enjoy her jumpy personality and her being fun. Now they went out a few times after that and I was ok with it, still had my doubts about him but like I’ve said trust her. Then I find out last week that he told her a few days after speaking to me that he doesn’t know why he said that to me, he was drunk and definitely does like her in that way. Now she told me about this like weeks after he said it and her excuse for that is that she didn’t want me acting jealous. To which I said how would I not be angry with that?!
He’s lied to me and him saying that is still him trying it on, I said he is a horrible person because people don’t do that, you don’t act friendly with a guy and tell him he has nothing to worry about and then still hit on the girl, well, nice people don’t do that. So now tonight she is texting him and it’s all innocent conversation but it’s annoying me that they message so much. I told her I’m uncomfortable with it and a few times in the past she told me that she would stop seeing him, to which I replied no, I’m not being the reason that you think you don’t have friends and I don’t want to be responsible for you being upset and hating me that you can’t have friends because of me. I’ve really tried to be a good guy about this but I just don’t know how I can keep overlooking the fact that there’s this guy that she meets with and goes to his house that wants her and she thinks I’m crazy for not liking him and telling her he’s a bad person. I don’t know what else to do because I know she won’t cheat on me with him but I have to put up with him creeping around her because I don’t want to upset her. What would you do? What is the right thing for me to feel about this situation?
He’s not a bad person. He’s an opportunist, and he’s working on this with her, because she has not made it clear she is in s relationship. If she did, he would move on. Because he would know for sure he doesn’t have a chance.
Her “in need of a friend” is a shallow excuse, so you have to figure out what she’s getting out of this. The first thing that comes to ( my) mind is she’s pushing you to get a reaction. You seem very laid back about your girl having lunch dates, texting til all hours, and now going to his house. What else has to happen before you act?
Like a foolish fisherman, you have provided the bait, then let the fish take too much line. Now you are having second thoughts about how much energy it will take to reel her back in.
Do you you subconsciously hope she breaks up with you?
Hi-0 This situation always ends like this. Morale of the story is "Don't loan your girlfriend out as someone's Pretend Girlfriend. Time to shut this down. If your girlfriend needs a "friend" it's called a GIRLFRIED.
Time for new rules and new boundaries..
No more going over his house; no more texting unless he's texting to you both; The friendship begins and ends at work... I believe your GF is enjoying the attention and provides him with thoughts of " where there is a will; there may be a way"
The stage has been set for lines to become blurred; inappropriate behavior is around the corner (alcohol wall be blamed). Your feelings matter- and are priority over their friendship. This should have never; because his'feelings have always been the same.I think you've been punked. Time to get your house back in order.
And Yes You were Crazy for letting her to do this.