When do you know you have to stop the cycle of breaking up?
While my boyfriend and I love each other and have been together for many years, there have been brief periods I've left him. I also know that neither of us are perfect.
It's like a repetition of sorts every year or so - I get really fed up with him lying about certain things (of importance, like money but it doesn't matter does it?) and then I leave him but then after I short time we really miss each other and reconcile. This has happened several times over several years.
I know he can be narcissist sometimes but other times he is so good to me and my family.
The last time is recent and I thought for sure it was the final time. Enough is enough. But as I was breaking it off he was able to stop me saying you know we will be back together in a few weeks so why bother? I should note we have some events coming up together like a wedding, a family event, etc. I know he was really pissed that I was breaking it off right before these events and I suppose I felt guilty breaking it off so close to these events so I’ve seen him on a very limited basis. As for the family event which is over several days, I am going without him but he insists on coming for 1 day at the end to spend with me.
I should add he was borderline verbally abusive when we had our last fight when I was breaking it off.
I do believe he truly loves me and can’t stand the idea of me being with someone other than him. Is this love or possessiveness? Is this because I’m afraid to leave once and for all?
What do you guys argue about?
I can relate to what you're going through. I also realize that the more changes you give someone, the less respect the'll start to have for you. I find that they'll begin to ignore your standards you've set, because they know another chance will always be given.
They are not afraid of losing you, because they feel you'll never really walk away.
They get comfortable in depending on your forgiveness. Comfortable in disrespecting you. I had to learn to respect myself enough to walk away from what no longer served me, grew me or made me happy.
I think it you're afraid to leave once and for all. It's about the your fear.